<!DOCTYPE html>
<html>
<head>
<meta charset="UTF-8">
<title>Moonlight by lightwavesurfer</title>
<style type="text/css">

body { background-color: #ffffff; }
.CI {
text-align:center;
margin-top:0px;
margin-bottom:0px;
padding:0px;
}
.center   {text-align: center;}
.cover    {text-align: center;}
.full     {width: 100%; }
.quarter  {width: 25%; }
.smcap    {font-variant: small-caps;}
.u        {text-decoration: underline;}
.bold     {font-weight: bold;}
</style>
</head>
<body>
<h1><a href="https://archiveofourown.org/works/26841442">Moonlight</a> by <a class='authorlink' href='https://archiveofourown.org/users/lightwavesurfer/pseuds/lightwavesurfer'>lightwavesurfer</a></h1>

<table class="full">

<tr><td><b>Category:</b></td><td>K-pop, Real Person Fiction, Red Velvet (K-pop Band)</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Genre:</b></td><td>Alternate Universe, Drama, F/F, Fluff, Romance, Supernatural Elements, not exactly angst but it'll have some sad moments, when love is real but everything else just blurs</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Language:</b></td><td>English</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Status:</b></td><td>Completed</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Published:</b></td><td>2020-10-05</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Updated:</b></td><td>2020-11-09</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Packaged:</b></td><td>2021-05-06 12:55:19</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Rating:</b></td><td>Teen And Up Audiences</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Warnings:</b></td><td>Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Chapters:</b></td><td>16</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Words:</b></td><td>26,229</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Publisher:</b></td><td>archiveofourown.org</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Story URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/works/26841442</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Author URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/users/lightwavesurfer/pseuds/lightwavesurfer</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Summary:</b></td><td><div class="userstuff">
              <p>The moon is beautiful, and so is Seungwan's voice</p>
            </div></td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Relationships:</b></td><td>Bae Joohyun | Irene/Son Seungwan | Wendy</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Comments:</b></td><td>13</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Kudos:</b></td><td>57</td></tr>

</table>

<a name="section0001"><h2>1. voice</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Author's Note:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
      <p>This work is unbeta-ed. Mistakes are all mine.</p><p>Do enjoy.</p>
    </blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>Playlist : <a href="https://open.spotify.com/playlist/1Rphjh0lOyTAr4x3Ra3rYa?si=AhVy6NwVSGCCctZW084fGg">Spotify</a></p><p> </p><p> </p><p>The city was crowded that night.</p><p>All these noises, the sounds, the chattering of people, and the thrumming from the cars, Irene had grown accustomed to them. She’s thinking about her classes, the job interview she did three days ago, and how thinking about her hometown made her miss her family. She missed the air, her mom and dad, her mom’s cooking, and dinner-time bickering with her sister.</p><p>Her mind was all over the place, but thinking about her family was always the safest option. It reminded her of easier days.</p><p>She took a long, dragging suck of the lollipop. It’s too sweet but she’s drowsy enough not to care. The strap of her bag was digging to her skin through the layer of her jacket.</p><p>Someone was belting out a note from one the bars, one that provided a karaoke machine and free drinks to attract customers. The voice was harsh, some of the phrases were rough around the edges. He was breathing to the mic and that only made everything worse. The singing was a wholesome mess. Irene should’ve hated it.</p><p>She didn’t.</p><p>There was another voice. It sang between the roughness, smothering along with the harsh melody like a gently flowing water. A voice that’s soft and powerful, a contradiction, but still beautiful all the same. It came with a strum of a guitar that isolated the noises in this overbearing city. Irene looked around and found white in between glitters and colors.</p><p> </p><p>
  <em>Because you are the moon</em>
</p><p>
  <em>Every night outside my window</em>
</p><p>
  <em>And what I do</em>
</p><p>
  <em>Is looking at you</em>
</p><p>
  <em>Longing over you.</em>
</p><p>
  
</p><p>There’s a sadness in the voice that made Irene shudder and silent, and there’s more in those dark brown eyes as they opened up to stare at the night sky. Short hair colored in blonde that looked more like ashen white under the city lights; pale, violet button-up draped on top of a gray shirt with loose jeans and a pair of white converse, the singer was looking comfortable without being too misplaced.</p><p> </p><p>The city didn’t have time to care about a random singer on the street; everyone passed her by without giving a second look. Nobody had time to appreciate the beauty of that voice, but Irene wasn’t one of those people because she found herself approaching. Eyes never leaving the girl and her heart was beating a little bit too hard as she got closer.</p><p>“Oh,” the singing stopped, but the voice was still beautiful as before. “Good evening.”</p><p>The voice was firm, perfectly intoned. Fingers brushing along the ashen hair to keep the strands from those pretty brown eyes. The stranger—the <em>singer</em>, was looking at Irene, giving Irene all the attention, and that stare felt like it ignited something under her skin. So much curiosity. Irene was sort of staring back at her, too.</p><p>“Hi.”</p><p>“Are you listening to my song?”</p><p>Irene nodded because speaking without stuttering would only make her look lame. She blamed on long hours of studying, but she knew that wasn’t the case.</p><p>“It’s a beautiful song,” Irene answered, far steadier than she predicted. Her fingers clutched onto the bag strap. “Did you write it?”</p><p>Her eyes caught five pieces of jewels pierced in her left ear. They glittered and they’re beautiful. Irene had one too, but she never went beyond the limit. This girl, however, with her blonde hair, the jewels in her ears, and that voice, seemed to be more than anything Irene could ever imagine.</p><p>“I did,” the girl replied and gave Irene a full, disarming look. “Though I’m still miles behind any professional songwriters out there.”</p><p>“But it’s still beautiful. And sad.”</p><p>“You’d say that.”</p><p>Her smile spread, her shining teeth matching her hair. And just like that, Irene felt something in her shift. The girl didn’t say anything else as she slowly picked on the strings on her guitar, humming notes and vibing with the music. There’s a space beside her but Irene didn’t sit. Instead, she just stood there, staring at the girl, listening to her voice, and felt the same shiver running down her spine.</p><p> </p><p>
  <em>Love is love, this life is yours to take</em>
</p><p>
  <em>Maybe it’s you who has the answer</em>
</p><p>
  <em>Of all my questions.</em>
</p><p>
  
</p><p>The song was different this time. Irene couldn’t really put her fingers on it, but the emotion was shifting. The sadness was shifting and changed with a slightly hopeful tone. A smile made its way to those lips, a slower, easier smile that looked better than the solemn quirk she bore a few moments ago.</p><p>“Do you play somewhere?” asked Irene. “Aside from busking on the streets?”</p><p>“Not really.”</p><p>A tongue swiped along her lower lip. “If I want to see you,” words caught in her throat, and Irene tried again. Her nerves were combusting. “If I come here tomorrow night, will I see you again?”</p><p>“Would you like that?”</p><p>She would. Gladly so. But Irene wasn’t really thinking right now. Because the longer she looked into those eyes, she could see herself drowning in them, could see herself losing control, and there’s nothing in this world that she hated most than losing control. “Will you be here tomorrow?” she repeated the question like she’s trying to keep herself from falling apart.</p><p>The girl laughed and Irene should’ve felt annoyed.</p><p>She didn’t.</p><p>Because the voice was pleasant. The face was pleasant. The girl was pleasant.</p><p>“Of course,” she said. The answer came just easy and Irene was probably thinking too much, but she couldn’t deny the nervous excitement that sizzled in her chest. “You can meet me here tomorrow.”</p><p>“Great,” Irene said, partially glad that her voice didn’t echo the chorus of her heart.</p><p>“What’s your name?” The girl questioned. Curious eyes swept along Irene’s face like they’re trying to dismantle any control that Irene had. “I mean,” a nervous laugh bubbled on her throat as she scratched her head. The gesture was boyish, charming. “It’s better to sing for a face I can put a name on.”</p><p>“Irene,” she said, a bit shy, but the same curiosity was growing inside her too. “And you?”</p><p>“Seungwan.” Her answer remained simple, and she smiled again, wider and familiar. “Pleased to meet you, Irene.”</p>
  </div></div>
<a name="section0002"><h2>2. knowing</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>Irene wasn’t going to say that she lost her mind.</p><p>No, because she did her routine the same as always. She attended classes, she worked on group projects, she returned the books to the library on time. Not that she hated it. Irene liked to be in control, to be on track on everything. It prevented her from thinking of things she didn’t need.</p><p>The strange excitement she’d been feeling wasn’t a part of that routine. It’s an anomaly, it distracted her, and Irene was surprised that she’s not entirely annoyed by it. Blonde hair, starry brown eyes, and voice that tasted like honey had been occupying her mind ever since.</p><p>She guessed the encounter must have left an impression and it’d disappear once she buried her nose on the tasks, but no. It kept going. Seungwan’s face was on the back of Irene’s eyes, Seungwan’s voice was playing inside her head, beckoning her to think about that street, the neon lights, and the brief encounter they shared.</p><p>When she stepped outside the campus, the sky was already dark. Autumn was around the corner as she tightened her shoulders to brave the cold breeze. The city was a duplicate from yesterday night: crowded streets, car’s engines, and the moon that shone dully against colorful neon.</p><p>
  <em>Kiss me once. Kiss me twice</em>
</p><p>
  <em>Before the night ends, before the moon fades</em>
</p><p>
  <em>Before I leave and forget your face.</em>
</p><p>
  
</p><p>Irene followed the singing. Like a moth to a flame, she let the voice beckoning her.</p><p>The weather was cold, but her skin was hot all over.</p><p>Seungwan was there, still in her blonde hair and a red flannel shirt that still looked too big on her. She looked so warm dressing like that; it made Irene thinking about soft blanket and chocolate marshmallows in cold days.</p><p>Irene walked faster and stopped just as Seungwan looked up at her.</p><p>“Hello,” the girl greeted, still with that amazing smile and twinkle in her eyes. “You keep your promise.”</p><p>“As you do,” Irene greeted back, trying not to smile too wide. “Been here long?”</p><p>“Around thirty minutes,” she straightened the strap of her guitar. It had scratches along the surface.</p><p>Irene blinked. “And you’ve been singing all that time?”</p><p>“Singing is fun,” Seungwan replied. She played another tune with her guitar, eyes never leaving Irene. “Besides I know there’s someone who likes it when I sing.”</p><p>Her throat suddenly went dry. “I could hang up on you,” she challenged.</p><p>“But you didn’t, and I’m grateful for that,” the answer was so smooth and cool Irene felt her stomach churned a little. When Seungwan patted a space on the bench where she’s sitting, Irene didn’t think twice to comply.</p><p>“Any particular song you want to hear tonight?” Seungwan offered. Her smile was brilliant and confident. “Say the title. I will sing it for you.”</p><p>Irene would’ve been fine with everything. Seungwan was singing it and it’d still beautiful all the same. She was staring at Seungwan, trying to pick on the crack in that perfectly curved smile. Nothing that screamed ingenuity and it made Irene’s heart ached a bit.</p><p>“I want to hear your song.”</p><p>“Hm?”</p><p>“Your song,” Irene repeated, feeling the heat licking up the back of her neck. “The song you sang a moment ago. I want to hear it again.”</p><p>Chords were forming and Seungwan hummed, her voice blended perfectly with the melody of her guitar. Again, Irene couldn’t hear anything but Seungwan’s voice. Again, Irene was hypnotized.</p><p>
  <em>Like a river that flows inside you</em>
</p><p>
  <em>And the stars that shine in your eyes,</em>
</p><p>
  <em>I think I understand</em>
</p><p>
  <em>How you make me feel like I’m in love</em>
</p><p>
  <em>For the very first time.</em>
</p><p> </p><p>Irene didn’t pay attention to the world outside. Seungwan took her captive, made her feel like she didn’t belong anywhere but in the depths of her eyes and the softness of her voice. Irene breathed slowly as she poured her attention to Seungwan, enjoying the tickles under her skin when Seungwan turned to look back at her. The feeling was weird, but not unwelcomed. It was something new and Irene was more than ready to embrace it.</p><p>
  <em>Kiss me once, kiss me twice.</em>
</p><p>
  <em>Before the night ends, before the moon fades</em>
</p><p>
  <em>Before I leave and forget your face.</em>
</p><p>
  
</p><p>Seungwan hummed, voice bending in smooth ad-libs, one that slightly took Irene’s breath away.</p><p>
  <em>All I want is a simple phrase</em>
</p><p>
  <em>As I take your hand and we make promises</em>
</p><p>
  <em>For a second chance of happiness.</em>
</p><p>
  
</p><p>Irene had to clutch on her shirt to keep herself from reaching out to touch Seungwan. She held everything inside. Irene would never succumb to recklessness no matter how hard her heart was yearning for it. Her senses went haywire; she became too aware of everything around her. Of how Seungwan was slightly biting on her lower lip, or how mild the scent Seungwan’s perfume, or how Seungwan was giving her a look that Irene didn’t want to know what it meant.</p><p>“Your song,” Irene started. Her throat was scratchy. “Is it about someone?”</p><p> “Maybe.” Seungwan chuckled, “or it can be about puppies.”</p><p>“Puppies?”</p><p>“They’re cute,” the singer shrugged. “Don’t you like puppies?”</p><p>No. Irene was scared of animals, but she had no intention to indulge Seungwan with that information.</p><p>“When did you learn to write music?”</p><p>Seungwan picked on the guitar fret absentmindedly. “A long time ago. My memory is kinda fuzzy.”</p><p>“Where did you come from?”</p><p>“Canada. I lived there for a few years,” Seungwan answered.</p><p>This piqued Irene’s interest more. Her university had a lot of foreign exchange students but Irene rarely had any chance to interact with one. That and Irene never found them interesting. Maybe because they’re not as interesting as this mysterious blonde with a brilliant voice before her.</p><p>“Were you singing too when you’re in Canada?”</p><p>“Yes, I love singing,” Seungwan went silent. “It’s a part of my life that I can’t just let go.”</p><p>“I can see that,” Irene commented as she tilted her head. “You look really… calm when you’re singing.”</p><p>A bubbly, slightly nervous laugh erupted from Seungwan. Her nose crinkled a bit. If she was embarrassed, it didn’t show on her face. “You’re generous with your compliment, Irene.”</p><p>“It’s true,” Irene insisted. Then, she turned her attention to the street before her. “And no one even stops and listens to your voice. It’s crazy.”</p><p>Seungwan was plucking on her guitar again, playing a random tune. “Maybe they’re too busy.”</p><p>“Or deaf,” Irene deadpanned. That earned her a laugh.</p><p>“Don’t worry about it,” Seungwan told her gently. “It’s okay since you listened.”</p><p>Irene was flustered but she wasn’t that good at hiding so she looked for anything to put her focus into. Seungwan’s guitar came to focus; it’s beautiful and colored in rosewood. It looked like Seungwan had been holding on it for a while as Irene could see some chipping in the paintwork.</p><p>“Would you like to try?”</p><p>“What?”</p><p>“Playing my guitar?”</p><p>“No no. The only instrument I can play is castanet. And I played it back in elementary school.”</p><p>Seungwan’s eyes widened between surprise and amusement. “Oh wow. You must be adorable while doing that.”</p><p>Irene shook her head, releasing a huff that sounded more like a snort. “You have no idea.”</p><p>Seungwan smiled back, but she was silent as she looked at Irene, and the strange feeling was slowly crawling back to Irene’s throat. Not excitement, more like nervousness, the anxiety that bubbled within for something she did have no control of.</p><p>“I’m really happy that you’re here,” Seungwan hummed, sort of confessing. “It’s been a while since I have someone listening to me.”</p><p>“It could be anyone else.”</p><p>Seungwan shook her head. Vehemently. “No. It couldn’t be anyone else,” she insisted, scooted closer to Irene, and Irene almost gasped when Seungwan’s hand easily found hers. “It couldn’t be. Because you’re the only one who listens.”</p><p>“Well…” Irene cleared her throat. The touch was strangely cold but Irene could take it. Seungwan’s hand was slightly bigger, easily sliding between the knuckles and fit between the gaps of Irene’s fingers. Like a suited glove. It’s just perfect. “If you don’t mind, I’ll come again tomorrow.”</p><p>“If I don’t mind?” Seungwan tightened her grip on Irene, “I’m about to ask if <em>you </em>don’t mind coming here to hear me sing again.”</p><p>Irene had no words. Their encounter was already strange, but it was stranger that both of them seemed to share the same feelings for each other. The attraction was there, the curiosity was apparent, and while Irene was cautious, Seungwan was more like an open book. She let Irene in, she wanted Irene to listen to her singing, she gave Irene a look that made her feel like she’s the only one that mattered.</p><p>Irene looked at their entwined hands and almost sighed.</p><p>“I don’t mind,” Irene almost whispered her answer as if she’s trying to share a secret meant only for them. “As long as you sing for me…”</p><p>The grin was just as blinding as the first time she saw it.</p><p>“It’s a promise.”</p>
  </div></div>
<a name="section0003"><h2>3. familiar</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>Seungwan gave Irene her guitar pick. <em>A gift for my number 1 fan</em>, she said and Irene thought Seungwan was cheesy if she’s not too charming. The color was blue, adorned with stars that reminded Irene of the night sky when they often met. She brought it with her all the time, flipping it over in between her fingers every time her nerves started acting up.</p><p>“You play guitar now?” Seulgi asked, catching the sight of the pick.</p><p>Irene went still, putting the pick back to her pocket. It’s daylight out, and night couldn’t come fast enough; she’s getting impatient and it’s ridiculous. Irene couldn’t sleep last night and she’s running on fumes. By the time she exhaustion finally caught up to her, the sun was already rising and she had other things to do. University was challenging, and it could go both ways.</p><p>She pulled a face. “It’s a gift.”</p><p>“Do I know them?” Seulgi asked, to the point.</p><p>“Fortunately, not from anyone you know,” Irene said, unable to shake the drowsiness in her voice. “It’s from the musician I met on the streets.”</p><p>“Musician?” Seulgi repeated. Her voice perked a little. “Who?”</p><p>“Her name is Seungwan,” Irene confessed. She’d known Seulgi since high school although they’re on different years. Their friendship was long, comfortable, riddled with arguments but none that’s awful enough to sever their bonds. “I heard her singing in an intersection near our campus a few nights ago. She has a very beautiful voice,” <em>and beautiful eyes and beautiful face, </em>“I’ve been watching her performing since.”</p><p>“Really? I’ve never seen anyone busking there,” Seulgi replied.</p><p>“The street’s pretty crowded, and Seungwan is… rather small,” Seulgi gave her a look. “Short, I mean. You just have to listen to her voice to find her.”</p><p>“And she gave you that?”</p><p>Irene nodded, almost sighing. “She insisted even though I say no.”</p><p>“Huh, she must’ve liked you,” Seulgi commented, unaware of how flustered Irene was. “You should take me to see her sometime. My playlist has been boring, I need fresh music.”</p><p>“She only plays at night,” Irene said. “Aren’t you working in that hour?”</p><p>Seulgi slowed the chewing of the croissant she’d been eating. “I can call it sick.”</p><p>“I thought you hate it when you have your paycheck cut.”</p><p>Seulgi laughed. “Wow, someone sounds possessive,” she teased with a nudge on Irene’s shoulders. “You sound like you don’t want anyone else to listen to her.”</p><p>Irene knew she had more important things to focus on, trying to think about anything other than Seungwan, but she couldn’t fault herself for indulging in a bit of what time she shared with the mysterious blonde. Being with Seungwan and listening to her singing, having Seungwan close to her, felt like a daydream, one that Irene never wanted to end.  </p><p>In the end, Seungwan remained a mystery for her, one that Irene couldn’t seem to get enough of. But all she knew was she’s finding Seungwan again, tonight in her dark blue hoodie and a baseball cap covering the blonde hair, still strumming to her guitar and singing in the same intersection and nobody seemed to care about her.</p><p>“Irene!” Seungwan called her, her voice projecting through the noise, as she waved her hand.</p><p>It’s hard not to smile back when Seungwan was practically beaming at her. Irene waved back, half jogged to where Seungwan was at and took a seat near her. Everything moved in motion, almost too natural. Like a routine.</p><p>“I wrote a new song,” Seungwan told her, still grinning from ear to ear.</p><p>“You did?”</p><p>The excitement was palpable. It’s almost enough to sweep Irene off her feet. “Yeah. I was thinking about you all night, and before I knew it, I wrote a song.”</p><p>Now Irene was openly blushing. The heat on her cheek was unmistakable but there’s nothing she could do about it. Seungwan was looking like she’s ready to burst out and Irene wasn’t that cruel to crush that happiness over some petty embarrassment.</p><p>“You’re thinking about… <em>me?</em>”</p><p>The grin fell a little. “Bad?”</p><p>Her ponytail was swishing with how quick Irene was shaking her head. “No. I’m just surprised,” her laugh was nervous, strangely misplaced. Irene tried to breathe slower. “I mean, you wrote a song about <em>me</em>. It’s enough to make any girl flustered.”</p><p>Seungwan was grinning again. And Irene found it cute of how a person was able to project her feelings so openly like this.</p><p>“I made it with the best intention in mind,” Seungwan scooted to her, a little closer than yesterday until their knees almost brushed. “Shall I sing it to you now?”</p><p>“I don’t know if I’m ready to hear that…” <em>or if my head doesn’t explode</em>. She sucked a breath through her teeth, watching Seungwan with wary. “It wouldn’t be too embarrassing, right?”</p><p>“I’m sure you love it,” Seungwan nodded, gently smiling at her. “Because I love how it turns out.”</p><p>The first chord went through Irene’s spine, shuddering down her being, and the first thing that came out from Seungwan’s mouth was</p><p>
  <em>Forever in my heart</em>
</p><p>
  <em>The colors of your face</em>
</p><p>
  <em>The gentle of your voice</em>
</p><p>
  <em>And the name that stays on my lips</em>
</p><p>
  
</p><p>
  <em>Irene</em>
</p><p>
  <em>With flowers in your head</em>
</p><p>
  <em>Endlessly, I run</em>
</p><p>
  <em>looking for you</em>
</p><p> </p><p>Irene wondered if she would be this flustered if this was someone else. Maybe she’d be annoyed, but Seungwan wasn’t just anyone else. Seungwan’s presence took everything in her. Irene couldn’t deny the feeling that began to swell inside her chest. How easy to be with Seungwan, and how easy she made her happy.</p><p>
  <em>You are, my only precious</em>
</p><p>
  <em>In the depths of your smile </em>
</p><p>
  <em>I can understand</em>
</p><p>
  <em>the language of your heart</em>
</p><p>
  
</p><p>It took Irene nearly a minute to remember that she’s still on the street, that Seungwan was singing to her as if she’s chanting a gospel, and she was this close to pull Seungwan and just kiss her because, oh god, Seungwan was beautiful and her voice did things to Irene, made Irene losing her mind, and that’s just the easier way to describe what she’s feeling.</p><p>Thirty seconds went by. Irene’s heart in her throat and Seungwan grabbed a hold of her hand again. A crinkle of nose followed by a bright voice calling at her, Irene was slowly returning to the moment.</p><p>“Hello? Irene?”</p><p>Irene swallowed. “I don’t think I can listen to it more than this.”</p><p>That gave Seungwan a pause. “I’m sorry, I didn’t mean to—”</p><p>“Don't be sorry. I’m just…” Irene exhaled through her mouth, unconsciously tightening her grasp on Seungwan’s hand, laughing to nothing in particular. “It’s embarrassing. I never had anyone writing a song about me,” she looked at Seungwan. Irene’s cheeks stung; she’s smiling too widely. “Much less singing it in front of me.”</p><p>“It’s a gift,” Seungwan smoothly cut it, and really, Irene didn’t have to blush this hard. “I didn’t lie when I said that I’m happy that you’re here,” teeth chewing on her lower lip, they distract Irene a bit. “I’m sorry if I make you uncomfortable. I just… All I know is to sing, and this is the best I can do for you.”</p><p>Irene couldn’t fathom how unfiltered Seungwan was, how she made it so easy to speak up, and how quickly Seungwan made Irene a part of her life in a matter of days—or nights.</p><p>“Seungwan,” the name felt good as it rolled off her tongue. Warm, sweet, comforting, just like Seungwan’s existence. “You are something else.”</p><p>She moved closer, and Irene didn’t do anything to keep the distance between them.</p><p>“I get that a lot too,” Seungwan husked and did that subtle lip bite again. “So, tomorrow night, same time?”</p><p>Irene was melting. Those brown eyes were so warm, dark, and gentle, as they searched hers.</p><p>Her mouth opened, a breathy <em>yes</em> croaking out from her mouth because really…</p><p>Who was she to deny such a request?</p>
  </div></div>
<a name="section0004"><h2>4. routine</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>Irene understood Seungwan loved to sing, but there’s more about her</p><p>When she’s not singing, she always asked Irene about her day, about her study, or how she spent her free time. In return, Seungwan would tell Irene some jokes that should’ve been bad but Irene found herself laughing, a list of song recommendations, sometimes she would sing some cheesy love songs from the 90s, sometimes they did nothing with Seungwan plucking her guitar and Irene reviewing her notes.</p><p>It felt nice, existing together, being alone together.</p><p>“Are you not hungry?” Irene asked one night.</p><p>Seungwan pressed her fingers on the strings and shook her head. “I ate,” her response was curt, “but I’ll come with you if you wanna go somewhere.”</p><p>The ramen shop was full of people when they arrived. Irene saw familiar faces from the campus when she stepped inside with Seungwan following behind. Some of them recognized her and sent a friendly wave, some of them asked Irene to sit with them. She bid her hello’s, gently refusing their invitation, and proceeded to the furthest booth where they could get some privacy.</p><p>“You’re popular.”</p><p>Irene laughed it off. “I don’t really know them.”</p><p>Delicate brows raised in amusement, chortling at Irene’s comment. “That’s pretty cold of you.”</p><p>“Well, I’ve shared classes with them, but we never really talked,” Irene reasoned, flipping the menu open. She glanced at Seungwan briefly. “You sure you don’t want to eat? I can recommend something for you.”</p><p>Seungwan shook her head. The way her hair flapping around reminded Irene of the pomeranian puppy in her neighborhood back in Daegu. “So, you rarely hang out with your friends from campus?”</p><p>“Not really. I only go with people I like,” Irene answered, stopped, and cringed when she realized the meaning of her words. The gears in her brain were cranking for excuses, only to have them thrown into the gutter when she saw Seungwan was grinning.</p><p>“I’m your favorite?” she teased. “You know how to make a girl feel special.”</p><p>“Don’t make me regret saying it,” Irene groaned. She ignored Seungwan’s laugh and called the waiter. Once she ordered, Irene turned her focus back to the still-grinning Seungwan. “Enough about me, I want to know more about you.”</p><p>The girl opened up her arms. “What else do you want to know? I told you everything.”</p><p>“A lot actually,” Irene pressed. “Like, I want to know what you’re doing when you’re not busking, your life back in Canada,” she let her eyes lingered on Seungwan’s face, “the things you like, or the places you’ve been before.”</p><p>Seungwan smiled and gave Irene a look that never failed to make her feel a thousand different things all at once. Seungwan’s presence made her unease, a dent in her routine, piqued Irene’s curiosity and desire to unfold the secret behind those glimmering eyes.</p><p>“I spent my childhood until I graduated high school in Canada,” Seungwan began, “with my sister at first, then my parents moved there on the following year.”</p><p>Irene’s life experience never went beyond the mainland. She spent her childhood with her family and moved out when she got accepted to university. The first few years of living alone were difficult. Homesickness was a real disease and Irene was always a blubbering mess every time her mother called.</p><p>She couldn’t imagine what little Seungwan was feeling when she sorely missed her parents.</p><p>“Irene?” Seungwan called to her. “Are you okay?”</p><p>“Yeah,” Irene blinked her eyes. “I can’t even imagine that you were separated from your parents that early.”</p><p>Seungwan leaned on her seat. “It’s not that bad.”</p><p>“Yeah, I know,” Irene agreed. She put her chin on her palm and leaned forward, indulging herself to the sight of Seungwan. “I can see it. You’re the type who can do anything.”</p><p>Seungwan blinked and maybe it’s because of the shop’s lighting but Irene was able to see pink dusting her cheeks.</p><p>“I—”</p><p>“<em>Unnie</em>!”</p><p>Seulgi made her way over to their table, hair up in a ponytail and her face was a bit puffy. She must have returned from her part-time job. She didn’t come alone. A girl, tall with perfect curves, and pretty hair was trailing behind her. She dressed differently from Seulgi, and Irene could smell the scent of her perfume before she even arrived.</p><p>“You didn’t say you’d come here,” the girl greeted. “We could’ve gone together.”</p><p>“It’s just a last-minute decision,” Irene reasoned. She eyed the girl behind Seulgi. “Who’s she?”</p><p>“Oh,” Seulgi pushed the girl forward for Irene to see. “This is Sooyoung. We work in the same part-time job.”</p><p>The girl nodded, curt but polite. “Sooyoung,” she offered with a brief smile. Her eyes wandered from Irene’s face to the spot where Seungwan was sitting, lingering there for a while.</p><p>“Oh, this is Seungwan,” Irene quickly blurted out when she realized how strange the atmosphere was.</p><p>“You’re here with someone?” Seulgi asked back, confused.</p><p>Irene blinked. “Yeah. She’s over…”</p><p>The spot where Seungwan was sitting a few seconds ago was empty.</p><p>Irene stood up, knees almost knocking on the table and eyes sweeping along the crowded space to look for a head of blonde hair.  Seungwan’s presence was larger than anyone in this place combined. If she left, Irene would’ve noticed and Seungwan didn’t seem the type to run away without saying anything.</p><p>“Who are you looking for?” she heard Seulgi’s voice but too distracted to conjure any answer.</p><p>“She’s sitting right here,” Irene pointed at the empty chair before her. She turned to Sooyoung, feeling desperation crawling up her throat. “You saw her, right?”</p><p>If Sooyoung was uncomfortable, she handled it better than Irene. “I’m sorry,” she replied with an apologetic bow. “I wasn’t paying attention.”</p><p>Irene didn’t understand. Seungwan was here, she should’ve been here. Irene was sure she didn’t imagine things when she felt the tip of Seungwan’s shoes against her shin, or how Seungwan was smelled like roses after the rain. Irene wasn’t imagining things. Seungwan didn’t just… disappear like that.</p><p>“Do you want us to sit here?” Seulgi offered, her voice was small and unsure, as she shared glances between Irene and Sooyoung. “We can wait until she comes back.”</p><p>Irene’s mind was empty as she looked at Seulgi and Sooyoung, dazed and confused.</p><p>“Okay.”</p><p>was all she managed to say. Her voice sounded foreign in her ears.</p><p>The routine, once again, dented.</p><p>She couldn’t hear Seungwan’s voice anywhere.</p>
  </div></div>
<a name="section0005"><h2>5. request</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>Irene woke up to birdsong; the sunshine peeked from behind the half-closed curtain, casting light on Irene’s face. She took everything in for a while, breathing slowly, as her eyes wandered on the ceiling of her room.</p><p>Awareness returned to her in waves as Irene walked out from her bed to the bathroom. The water was cold when she sprayed it on her face. She did it again and again until the drowsiness washed down the drain.</p><p>Her flat was cheap and comfortable: a bed, a wardrobe, a bookshelf that overflowed with journals and textbooks, and a kitchen set and a coffee table. Other things weren’t exactly needed. She’d always been a minimalist. Even her room back at home wasn’t fully furnished.</p><p>Breathing slowly, Irene recounted about last night. She stayed in that ramen shop with Seulgi and Sooyoung until one of the waiters politely asked them to leave. Irene thought she’s going to find Seungwan in that intersection, but there’s no short girl with blonde hair with a guitar waiting for her there.</p><p>Seungwan just… disappeared.</p><p>Irene didn’t know what upset her the most: Seungwan leaving her without a word or the possibility that she unknowingly did something that made Seungwan uncomfortable.</p><p>Maybe asking Seungwan about her life in Canada was a bad move. Then again, she and Seungwan were strangers. Spending a few nights together didn’t define the depths of their relationship.</p><p>Something bitter crawled up Irene’s throat. She didn’t want to know what it meant.</p><p>Irene took a quick shower and changed her clothes. Her classes started early today and she had no intention to show up late. Ignoring the voices inside her head, Irene put her books inside her bag and stepped out from her unit.</p><p>She buried her hands inside the pocket of her jacket, easily maneuvering the other pedestrian from the opposite direction. The walk was uneventful, but Irene enjoyed watching people doing the morning routine. Some were jogging, some were powerwalked to the subway station to catch their ride, some uncles and aunties were already cleaning up before opening their shops.</p><p>She stopped at the crosswalk, waiting for the light to turn green. Irene was absentmindedly observing the street when a flash of blonde caught her attention.</p><p>It only took another three seconds for the light to turn green, but Irene was impatient. Screeches from tires against the asphalt and angry yells from surprised drivers sounded more like background noise as Irene ran across the street.</p><p>“Seungwan!” Irene called. She didn’t bear Seungwan’s vocal muscle but it’s loud enough to attract people’s attention. Irene didn’t care about them. She just wanted to see Seungwan again. A hand reaching out, Irene grabbed onto her shoulder.</p><p>The person turned around. It’s a girl, blonde, pretty, but she’s not Seungwan, and she looked back to Irene with wrinkled brows and alert eyes.</p><p>“Can I help you?”</p><p>Irene pulled her hand away. “I’m sorry. I thought you’re someone else.”</p><p>The confusion deepened but the girl spared no words and walked away, leaving Irene who shifted uneasily on her spot. Irene sighed heavily as disappointment growing inside her chest like chains. Her mind was preoccupied with Seungwan she began to feel stupid for mistaking other people.</p><p>The day had barely started and Irene was already tired. Dragging her feet, Irene took a turn to a convenience store to buy something that would help to ease her mind. She was about to enter the store when a voice called her.</p><p>“Irene.”</p><p>Which made Irene almost tripped on her shoes as she turned around. Seungwan was standing there, fidgeting on her heels, her hoodie pulled up with strands of blonde hair covering her forehead.</p><p>“Seungwan,” Irene said. She approached first and stopped close enough to see Seungwan’s eyes. They didn’t have the same brilliance she often saw during the nights they’re together. “Where did you go last night?”</p><p>Seungwan smiled but her lips were tight. She scratched her cheek while observing Irene closely. “Sorry I left.”</p><p>“Did I say something wrong?”</p><p>“No. Nothing's wrong,” Seungwan quickly answered in a burst of panic. “I.. remembered something important, and I forgot to tell you.”</p><p>Irene narrowed her eyes. That answer sounded off. It’s like Seungwan was grasping at excuses. Seeing Seungwan in the broad daylight was also different. Seungwan at night was ethereal as she bathed in the silver moonlight. Now, however, Seungwan was looking small, fickle, as if one touch was enough to disintegrate her into dust.</p><p>A small gasp escaped Seungwan’s parted mouth when Irene took her face in her hands. Seungwan wasn’t freezing but the skin was paler than it needed to be.</p><p>“You don’t look okay.” Irene let her fingers rubbing on the line of the blonde’s jaw, feeling on the skin. Seungwan's face was small, a perfect fit in Irene's hands.</p><p>Seungwan averted her gaze but didn’t pull away from Irene’s touch. “I don’t really like mornings.”</p><p>“Come with me,” Irene offered. The tone of her voice didn’t miss on both of them because Seungwan was looking at her with wide eyes.</p><p>“But your class—”</p><p>Irene pressed a finger on Seungwan’s mouth to keep her from talking. Those lips were just as plush as she imagined they would be. Irene swallowed.</p><p>“Please,” she insisted. “Let me do something for you. Just once.”</p><p>Seungwan was looking at her. Those browns were wide and sad; the look didn’t suit her. Irene wasn’t used to seeing those sad eyes.</p><p>Seungwan retaliated as she leaned to Irene’s hand. “Fine.”</p>
  </div></div>
<a name="section0006"><h2>6. kiss</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>Irene never returned to her apartment as fast as now. Her landlord was looking at her funny and Irene replied with a curt smile and awkward nod. She held onto Seungwan’s hand and made her way to the elevator.</p><p>She’s glad she didn’t stay too long in the dorm. Seulgi lived there, and she was disappointed when Irene moved out. Not like Irene hated sharing spaces with friends, but there’s so much privacy in student dorms and Irene had enough of seeing shirtless boys sneaking out from one of the rooms. Irene’s not a prude, she just wanted to enjoy her morning in peace.</p><p>“You can sit on my bed,” Irene helped Seungwan to settle once they arrived at her room. She walked to the kitchen and cringed when she saw how understocked her fridge was: two cartons of milk, bread two days from expiring, a slice of cheese, and a bottle of soju. She opened the cabinet, almost desperate to look for something when she found canned tea her mother sent her a week ago.</p><p>“Is tea okay for you?”</p><p>“Yeah.”</p><p> Irene quickly poured water into the pot and turned the stove on. Her eyes focusing on the flame, but that’s because she could feel Seungwan’s eyes on her. Like fire on her skin, Irene was suddenly too conscious of everything, of how empty and unpretty her apartment was, and how Seungwan was sitting on the bed waiting for her.</p><p>She glanced through her shoulder, watching Seungwan picking her ‘Advanced Financial Accounting’ textbook from the low table, skimming through the pages with a frown before putting the book down to focus on other things like the picture frames on the wall and other trinkets that Irene put on her desk.</p><p>The pot whistled and Irene poured the boiling water into the mug. The room soon filled with the scent of tea. Then, she returned to Seungwan and put the mug on the table.</p><p>“Your place is beautiful,” Seungwan as she looked around.</p><p>“There’s nothing here.”</p><p>“It’s comfortable,” Seungwan turned to look at her. “It’s rather simple, but I don’t hate it.”</p><p>Irene chuckled. “Drink your tea.”</p><p>The mug looked a little too big in Seungwan’s hands. She didn’t make a move to drink, didn’t even blow on it. Seungwan was just looking at the steaming liquid with a despondent look.</p><p>“I’m sorry.” She weighed the mug in her hand. Her voice dropped an octave.</p><p>“For leaving me?”</p><p>Seungwan glanced at Irene briefly before looking back at the tea. “I’m not entirely honest to you.”</p><p>Irene hated that something stirred inside at Seungwan’s words, that she’s more than just aware of how close Seungwan was, and how itchy her fingers were for something to hold onto.</p><p>“Honest?”</p><p>“Yeah,” Seungwan murmured. “I came here to meet someone.”</p><p>Her heart dropped. Of course. Seungwan was too beautiful to be alone. She was good with words, beautiful, and knew how to touch hearts. If she could treat Irene with such gentleness, it wouldn’t be too outlandish of her to treat her lover like they’re the only one that mattered in the universe. It’s just something that Seungwan would do, Irene thought.</p><p>“Oh,” Irene’s voice dropped. “Your… lover?”</p><p>Seungwan tilted her neck, unsure. “Something like that.”</p><p>Irene blinked. Why would her eyes feel hot? What’s with the needles that poking behind her eyeballs?</p><p>“I see,” Irene commented. Her voice vibrated a little.</p><p>Brown eyes were searching on hers again, and it made Irene want to jump out of the window. “Calling it lover might be a bit weird. Considering we stopped talking years ago.”</p><p>“Really?”</p><p>Seungwan nodded. “I was thinking if I came here, I’d be able to find them. They loved hearing me sing, so I thought I should do just that then...”</p><p>“So that’s why you’re always busking in that place?”</p><p>“Yeah, and you know how it went.”</p><p>A small laugh came from Seungwan. She put the mug on the table and dropped her body on Irene’s bed, making it so easy as if she already owned the place. And Irene didn’t really mind if that was the case.</p><p>Really, Seungwan owned everything she had.</p><p>“Are you still hoping to find them?” Irene asked. She, too, followed to lie down beside Seungwan and drank everything that’s Seungwan. A patch of sunlight dropped on Seungwan’s face, making her look more translucent than real.</p><p>Seungwan turned so they’re facing each other now. Irene nearly recoiled when Seungwan touched her first, peppering her cheek with the touch of her fingers. Again, she was lost inside those browns, couldn’t tell the time or where she was, or how to suppress the wanting that lingered on her chest.</p><p>“Yes,” Seungwan’s blunt nails scratched on her skin, fingertips lightly resting there like they’d found their place. “But I found you instead. And it’s better than anything I ever wanted.”</p><p>How wonderful the way Seungwan spoke, thought Irene. How sincere, how honest.</p><p>“You can stay here,” Irene said this instead. “It’s not much but until you can meet them again…” she held onto Seungwan’s hand, tighter than she intended.</p><p>“You’re too kind, Irene,” the blonde told her. Her tone dropped again, and it’s sadder than the previous one. “I feel like I’m asking too much of you.”</p><p>Irene leaned in, a little too close to Seungwan until their noses brushed. She didn’t want Seungwan to think that she’s asking too much; Irene even had no idea what mess of a feeling she’s having, couldn’t wrap her head around anything more than the desire of wanting to have Seungwan close to her. What she felt was abrupt, a bit misplaced, but still felt right at the end. Her family would weep for her.</p><p>“When you disappeared last night, I’m scared I can’t see you again.”</p><p>“I’m not going anywhere. Not until you say that you’re bored of me,” Seungwan said, with a sad smile. She spoke like the first time they met—softer, unsure, questioning—and Seungwan’s eyes were like diamonds, reflecting everything that Irene wanted to unveil. “And you probably will.”</p><p>“You don’t make that decision,” Irene warned as she pressed to Seungwan, her lips lightly brushing on Seungwan’s eyebrow. “I do.”</p><p>Irene fell toward Seungwan, caught Seungwan’s lips in her open mouth.</p>
  </div></div>
<a name="section0007"><h2>7. butterfly</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>As a child Irene had learned early on not to be easily cowed; she didn’t know how to sit still, always applying herself to some chores or other, always competing to win, always following her heart.</p><p><em>Joohyun</em>, her father said to her, as he watched her studying into late at night, or bent over books in her room. <em>Joohyun, there’s plenty of time</em>, he’d say with a peculiar look burdening his face. She didn’t understand what he meant, never asked him about it either.</p><p>The routine didn’t change as she grew up. She busied herself with school, joined the student council, always burned to accomplish something of worth. She never sat idle. That’s why it baffled her now that she enjoyed doing nothing with Seungwan.</p><p>They still met at night, but it’s not unusual to see Seungwan lounging in her apartment on weekends. Seungwan would sit on the floor and strum on her guitar, accompanying Irene as she finished her homework.</p><p>After that, they would take a walk along the riverside to enjoy the autumn breeze with Seungwan laid a hand on her wrist or her shoulder, or told Irene to look at something with that plump, eloquent mouth. Irene had tasted that mouth once, feeling it curving and shaping against hers, and her eyes often strayed toward it more than strictly proper. What kind of thing that mouth could do aside from singing, Irene wondered?</p><p>What piece Irene could assemble from Seungwan thus far was this: that Seungwan was kind, and an attentive person. She said things that made Irene happy, she listened to every Irene’s problem and didn’t hesitate to offer assistance, always put an easy smile and reassuring pat on the back. But Irene had not missed the way Seungwan hold them out in front of herself, like shields, like a mean of turning the attention away from herself. What lies beyond the caring smile and warm eyes Irene had only glimpsed in fits: loneliness, woundedness, balanced in tenderness.</p><p>And for whatever reason, being around Seungwan was easy. Irene had an idea what her father meant when he said <em>there’s plenty of time</em>. With Seungwan, time was nonexistent. Irene should hate that but it’s easier to make excuses these days.</p><p>Tonight, Seungwan said, “I miss stargazing.” She’s lying on the grass, her head on Irene’s lap, eyes gazing upward to the dark sky. “I lived near the mountains back in Canada. I often hiked to watch the stars.”</p><p>Irene played with Seungwan’s hair, fingers twirling on the strands of blonde lazily. “The city lights are too bright. We should go out of the city if you want to see the stars,” Irene pressed her thumb on the space between Seungwan’s eyes. “Or we can go to the planetarium.”</p><p>“It won’t feel the same,” said Seungwan. She looked back at Irene. “Then again, watching stars in a huge room full of people isn’t romantic.”</p><p>Irene laughed instead, loud and throaty, flustered at the implication. “And stargazing in the mountain is more romantic?”</p><p>“Of course,” Seungwan answered, beaming. “Imagine you sitting next to me, stars above our heads, and I will pull you close as I tell you about the constellations. I’m confident about that too, you know.”</p><p>Irene’s nose scrunched. “Mountains would be a little too cold these days don't you think?”</p><p>“We’ll bring blankets, we make a campfire, I’ll hold onto you all night,” Seungwan continued, holding Irene’s face in both of her hands. Her eyes were on Irene’s again, lidded and longing. “Even if we end up doing nothing, I don’t think I’d mind.”</p><p>Irene weaved her fingers through the silk of Seungwan’s hair, thoughtlessly, as her brain was overheating and her chest was tightening. The proposal was tempting, being alone with Seungwan, away from the city, in a place where only the two of them, and they would whisper to each other’s ears about the things they like.</p><p>Irene leaned down and pressed her lips to Seungwan’s, feeling it more like an accident that’s bound to happen, drawn by gravity. Seungwan opened her mouth and Irene pushed further, biting into the kiss, and her fingers were feverish as they touched Seungwan’s face.</p><p>Irene encouraged the kiss, slightly pulling away so Seungwan would chase her. And Seungwan did, mouth ripe and full, tender as a persimmon as she sought the fullness of this kiss. When Seungwan pressed against her, Irene slid her hands on Seungwan’s neck to keep her grounded.</p><p>A flutter of blue made a pass in the corner of her eyes. Irene pulled away, reluctantly, as the fluttering blue was distracting her.</p><p>“Butterflies?” she croaked, breathing heavily through the nose.</p><p>Blue butterflies danced around them; their wings reflected the light as they gathered around them. The sight was beautiful and ethereal, like a scene from a dream, and Irene couldn’t hold her shiver. Hypnotized, Irene watched the dancing blue, not realizing that Seungwan woke up from her position and put her arm on Irene’s shoulder.</p><p>Irene blinked and turned to Seungwan. The girl, too, was looking at the butterflies, but all Irene could see was Seungwan’s face and she didn’t turn away when their eyes met. Seungwan’s touch was cool and lasted for a while as she touched Irene.</p><p>“Beautiful,” came the soft voice in her ear, followed by a slow kiss on her cheek. She didn’t want to know if Seungwan was talking about the butterflies or something else. Irene couldn’t think.</p><p>“Do you still want to see the stars?” Irene whispered.</p><p>“Yes,” Seungwan confessed and brushed their lips together, earning a gasp from Irene. “And the stars, the moon, are more beautiful with you standing beneath them.”</p>
  </div></div>
<a name="section0008"><h2>8. fever</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>Irene woke up shivering that morning.</p><p>Normally, Irene would pop some medicine and brave her way through the day. She’d had worse. However, there’s this persistent ache hanging on her limbs and her eyelids were too heavy.  </p><p>Someone was knocking on her door and Irene stood, <em>swayed,</em> as she walked to the greet her guest. It took her three tries to twist on the knob and when the door creaked open, a surprised gasp of “oh dear,” that enveloped her in familiar warmth. Irene groaned as a pair of arms holding her close. She didn’t need to see who it was; this gentleness was meant for her.</p><p>“Irene, baby,” the voice said again. A hand pressed on her forehead. “You’re burning up.” Irene felt dragged back onto her bed. Her pajama was sticking on her back, it was uncomfortable, but Irene was too weak to protest. She saw blonde first, fanning near her face, then fingers wiping sweat off her neck. “Shall we go to the doctor?”</p><p>Irene struggled to open her eyes. Warm brown eyes. The same eyes she often got lost in—and now they’re looking at her with worry and sadness. Irene didn’t like that look on Seungwan. Sadness didn’t suit Seungwan.</p><p>“I’m fine,” Irene excused, and let out a loud, throaty cough.</p><p>“But you’re—”</p><p>“I don’t like hospital,” Irene heaved. She covered her mouth as she coughed again, ignoring the way Seungwan was looking at her. “Really, I’m fine.”</p><p>Seungwan’s hands went to Irene’s arm, helping her until she sat with her back against the headboard. Irene could only watch as Seungwan dashed to the kitchen and returned with a glass of water. Irene took the water in greedy gulps, almost choking on it if it’s not for Seungwan’s hand rubbing her back.</p><p>“Where do you keep your medicine?” Seungwan asked again.</p><p>“On top of the fridge. I think I keep some in there.”</p><p>Seungwan took the glass and went to the kitchen again. There were bouts of rustling and the whirr from the water dispenser, and then Seungwan came back with the glass refilled and a pill in her hand.</p><p>“Thank you,” Irene sighed after she finished swallowing the medicine. She let Seungwan put her back down to the bed. The touch was cool against her burning skin, followed by a soft hum; it’s comfortable and Irene briefly forgot how tired she was.</p><p>“I’m sorry.” Seungwan caressed her cheek, fingertips lightly resting there for Irene to lean on. “It’s because of me, you’re…”</p><p>“You didn’t do anything, Seungwan,” Irene muttered, too weak to give any scolding.</p><p>“But I always take your time. You didn’t get enough rest.”</p><p>Irene forced herself to look at Seungwan, and her heart ached more when she realized how sad Seungwan right now. Her lips drew tight, eyebrows frowned as she looked at her. Irene hated that. She didn’t want Seungwan to worry about her.</p><p>“I stay because I want to,” Irene answered. Her arm raised so she could reach out to Seungwan and touch her face. “I’m happy when I’m with you.”</p><p>“But Irene, you’re…”</p><p>“Aren’t you happy with me?” The question was cutting enough to the point Seungwan couldn’t say a word. “Seungwan, I’m alone in this city. My family is far away, I don’t have anyone else to look for, or to take care of,” the bed creaked under her weight as she sat up. “I don’t really understand, but I feel… comfortable around you,” she tapped Seungwan on the chin to let Seungwan know that she meant every word she said. “I’m sick because of my own negligence. It’s not your fault.”</p><p>Seungwan looked away first. Did she look… guilty? Why? Irene didn’t understand. Why did she have to look so sad?</p><p>“Okay,” Seungwan relented, chewing on her lips, and conjured a smile that didn’t even reach her eyes. “You should get some rest.”</p><p>“I mean it,” Irene insisted. “It’s not your fault.”</p><p>The medicine was already in effect, and with how Seungwan dragged her thumb along Irene’s forehead, it’s getting harder to stay awake. Softly, she caught the ends of Seungwan’s humming, slow and deliberate, and Irene’s breathing came slowly as darkness began to embrace her.</p><p>Her sleep was swift and dreamless, and she woke up at the feeling of her pajama stuck uncomfortably on her back. She opened her eyes and found Seungwan wasn’t there, leaving her again without a trace. The disappointment felt like bile on her throat, one that’s not easy to swallow.</p><p>She checked her temperature. Slightly down from this morning although the ache was still pounding on the side of her head. She winced at the sound of her stomach growling. It’s still bright, but Irene was too tired to even walk outside.</p><p>She took her phone, intending to order some takeouts when another knock came from her door.</p><p>She pretended not to hear it, but the knock was persistent and hurried as if the person behind it was panicking over something. Groaning, Irene dragged her feet back to the door. Anger was loaded on the tip of her tongue, but the sight of Seulgi and Sooyoung made her stop.</p><p>“Thank god you’re okay,” Seulgi sighed in relief. She pressed her hand on Irene’s head; the plastic bag in her hand was right in front of Irene’s nose. It smelled so good, still warm, and Irene’s stomach was growling again.</p><p>“Why are you here?”</p><p>“Your landlord called,” Seulgi invited herself to enter the room. “He said you’re sick and asked me to come over.”</p><p>“But I didn’t,” she blinked, confused before realization hit her. “Oh. Seungwan must have told him.”</p><p>At that, Seulgi turned to look at her. “That musician friend of yours?”</p><p>Irene nodded her head to Sooyoung to let the girl know that she could come inside. Then, she approached Seulgi and helped the girl preparing the food. “Yeah. She came here today.”</p><p>“Why would she be here? I thought you only meet her during the night,” Seulgi pressed on as she handed Irene the plate.</p><p>Irene was too tired to explain but Seulgi wouldn’t stop pestering her if she kept quiet. “Is she not allowed to?” her voice came out rather sharp. The frown on Seulgi wasn’t difficult to miss.</p><p>“I… I don’t mean it like that,” Seulgi replied slowly like she didn’t want to irritate Irene more than she already had. “I just think… I don’t know, how long have you known her? Five nights? A week? How much do you know about her?”</p><p>“You're too paranoid. Seungwan is kind,” Irene was defensive. “She didn’t do anything weird to me.”</p><p>“I’m not sure about that,” Seulgi shook her head, dubious at Irene’s statement. “You can’t quickly put your trust on someone just because they’re kind and singing beautiful songs.”</p><p>Irene picked the plate that’s already filled with food and brought it to the table. Sooyoung was quick to help her. The other girl hadn’t said anything but Irene could see that she was listening to the conversation.</p><p>“And? Is that supposed to be a problem? I trust her,” Irene shot back with a shrug. She plopped on the spot near Sooyoung and began digging on the food. She’s really hungry and if Seulgi prolonged this pointless argument more than necessary, Irene wouldn’t think twice to kick her out.</p><p>“Is she your girlfriend?”</p><p>That question, however, was unexpected. After a fit of cough, a burning chest, and two glasses of water later, Irene finally gained the strength to glare at Seulgi.</p><p>“What are you talking about?” she blurted. Her cheeks were hot and it’s not because of fever.</p><p>Seulgi sent her a dubious look as she picked a piece of meat from the plate.</p><p>“You’re too eager to defend her. What else is there if you don’t have something going on with her, right Soo?”</p><p>Sooyoung replied with a noncommittal shrug as she quietly chewed on her food.</p><p>Irene opened her mouth to deny, only to close it again. She didn’t want to deny that Seungwan already had a special place in her, but she didn’t know if it’s right—or even proper—to call her relationship with Seungwan <em>that</em>. What transpired between them was beautiful, and a label only added unnecessary complications.</p><p>Seungwan sang about love, about loneliness, about Irene, and Irene enjoyed listening to Seungwan’s voice, loved the feeling of Seungwan’s hands, craved the taste of Seungwan’s mouth in hers.</p><p>She jerked when Seulgi tapped her on the shoulder. The younger girl was still not giving up questioning her.</p><p>“I don’t know if kissing her twice is enough to call her my girlfriend,” Irene mumbled, eyes cast down to the plate.</p><p>“You kissed her?”</p><p>Seulgi didn’t say that. The girl was sharing the same surprised look as Irene as she looked at Sooyoung. The usual calm and despondent mask Sooyoung always put on was cracking. Her eyes were dark and alert, lips pursed to a tight line. She looked agitated for some reason.</p><p>“Yes,” Irene replied slowly, a little hesitant. Sooyoung’s eyes were piercing, but they didn’t share the warmth that Seungwan had. “Why? Is that really weird?”</p><p>“Of course it is!” This time, it’s Seulgi. She pulled Irene by the shoulder with a look like a mother who’s about to scold her misbehaving daughter. “You can’t jump to the first base without having a Saturday night-dinner-base yet!”</p><p>Irene made an annoying noise on her throat. “You sound even more ridiculous than usual,” she snapped, shaking her head.</p><p>“But it’s just weird. I mean, are you out of your mind? You’re not supposed to kiss someone you barely know. Look at Sooyoung, she’s judging you right now!”</p><p>Irene spared a look at the other girl. True, Sooyoung was looking at her, but there’s nothing judgmental in her eyes. Instead, Irene saw alertness and suspicion brewing inside, like her brain was in trying to piece everything together, and Irene didn’t know what’s more uncomfortable: that Sooyoung was sharing Seulgi’s sentiment about her relationship with Seungwan or if there’s something else that made Sooyoung have that kind of look.</p><p>Irene coughed again. Sooyoung’s perfume suddenly became too sharp, like needles pricking her chest.</p><p> Seulgi was patting her back, faintly telling her to eat slowly. Sooyoung was still looking at her, and Irene didn’t know what’s worse.</p><p>Not having Seungwan near her started to feel like torture.</p>
  </div></div>
<a name="section0009"><h2>9. distance</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>The sharp and familiar scent of perfume forced Irene to break her focus from her notes. Frowning, Irene watched Sooyoung as the girl taking out books from her bag onto the reading table. She didn’t manage to look away when Sooyoung caught her staring.</p><p>“Yes?” Sooyoung calmly asked.</p><p>Clearing her throat, Irene tried again. “There are other empty seats.”</p><p>Sooyoung looked around. True, empty seats were plenty and Irene always picked her table a little further from the others. The silence made it easier for her to think.</p><p>“I can see that,” was Sooyoung’s answer. <em>And what about it</em>, Irene could hear that in her head.</p><p>Ignoring the urge to roll her eyes, Irene returned her attention to her books, but Sooyoung’s presence was distracting. Irene took her pencil, furiously scribbling formulas on her notebook as heat cut a trail up the back of her neck, lingering like a fire that slowly burned her.</p><p>“What do you want?” Irene finally asked.</p><p>Sooyoung didn’t even bother to pretend. “I’m just looking.”</p><p>“At me?” Irene asked, incredulously.</p><p>Sooyoung’s eyes dropped from Irene’s eyes to the other parts of her body, scanning her like Irene had grown extra limbs in strange places.</p><p>Irene squirmed.</p><p>When it was Seungwan, Irene felt like she’s regressing to a sixteen-year-old girl that blush under her favorite upperclassman gaze. With Sooyoung, however, the feeling was best described as trapped, like Sooyoung was mentally pinning her with needles and slicing her piece by piece.</p><p>“You look better than last time,” Sooyoung commented. Her smile was thin and brief. She looked pretty and approachable under the afternoon sunlight, but Irene was still uneasy around her.</p><p>“I took medicine.”</p><p>“How about your friend?” Sooyoung continued. “What’s her name? Seungwan?”</p><p>Irene suddenly got defensive. “Why do you ask?”</p><p>The girl shrugged, unperturbed by Irene’s openly hostile tone. “You're close to her, right? Is she still coming around?”</p><p>Irene wasn’t sure what she’s implying, but what she knew was that Sooyoung dragged this conversation longer than necessary and Irene had no intention to entertain her.</p><p>“What are you—”</p><p>“Just answer the question. No need to get angry.” Sooyoung spoke calmly, still looking at Irene with those piercing, dark eyes. “You said you kissed her twice,” she continued; her voice dropped a hint of disappointment and disbelief. “Why did you do that?”</p><p>“I don’t have to answer that question.”</p><p>“You should,” Sooyoung countered. “I heard from Seulgi that you’re smart, sharp, and always paying attention. If I were you, I’d stop and think about everything.”</p><p>Irene frowned. She didn’t like where this conversation was going.</p><p>“Look, Sooyoung,” Irene’s voice was crass as she pointed as Sooyoung. “I don’t know you, but I respect you because you’re Seulgi’s friend. I don’t understand what you’re implying, but your suspicion of Seungwan is unwarranted and I don’t like that.”</p><p>Sooyoung scoffed. Sharp and mocking. Irene curled her fingers tightly in case she did something that she’d regret later.</p><p>“Why are you even bothered defending her?”</p><p>“Why?” Irene snapped. Someone from behind the bookcase was clearing their throat loudly. “Are you even listening to yourself?” Irene whispered harshly under her breath.</p><p>Sooyoung didn't back down.</p><p>“Is she even worth the risk? Like, do you ever stop and think why you’re doing that?”</p><p>Her heart dropped. It’d been weeks since the last time she saw Seungwan, and Irene was missing her terribly. She didn’t have Seungwan’s number—she didn’t even know if Seungwan had a phone, so the only thing she could do was coming to that intersection, hoping that she’d see Seungwan there.</p><p>The intersection was empty. Other people were still around, but Irene didn’t see the point if Seungwan wasn’t there.</p><p>“Seungwan is important to me.”</p><p>“Important?” Sooyoung repeated.</p><p>“She’s alone.” Blinking, Irene swallowed whatever bitterness that started crawling on her throat before continuing. “She sings alone, no one listens to her, and I…” she breathed. The needles were hot and stinging at the back of her eyes. “I just want to be with her. She means a lot to me.”</p><p>“But do you even know who she is?” The question was cutting like knives. “If what you say is true, you better understand what makes her so important until you have to do all this.”</p><p>“Why are you talking like Seulgi?” Irene almost growled. “Are you saying that Seungwan’s going to hurt me?”</p><p>“We don’t want that to happen,” Sooyoung cut in, her voice turned serious. Irene was ready to fight back when Sooyoung added another, “And I believe Seungwan doesn’t want it either.”</p><p>The way Sooyoung said it felt like a blow to the chest. Seungwan came to Irene’s life like a wisp of melody, cool and comfortable. She didn’t sweep like a hurricane. She didn’t destroy, didn’t leave a trail of destruction in her wake. Instead, Seungwan took Irene in, embraced her with kindness, touched Irene’s heart with a voice that took Irene to the stars.</p><p>Irene was thinking back to that night when she first saw Seungwan. How she didn’t clearly think when she asked Seungwan to sing for her again, or how easily she told Seungwan her name.</p><p>Something was indeed shifting, but Irene didn’t hate it. She’s probably losing her mind, but it’s nothing compared to the loss she’s feeling when Seungwan’s not here.</p><p>Something sharp was jolting up her chest, prompting Irene to cough again. It didn’t stop; each cough was torturous like there were barb wires squeezing her lungs. Irene tried to find a steady purchase but she only managed to push the chair before falling to her knees.</p><p>Irene didn’t hear the concerned voices that gathered around her. She was in pain, and she had no strength to escape when Sooyoung grabbed her by the arm and took her away before she could attract more unwanted attention.</p><p>Irene felt sunlight on her face when her coughing finally stopped. She took deep, greedy gulps of air and clenched her shivering fingers. Her vision was blurry but she could make out dying trees, falling leaves, and grass colored in reds and yellows. Irene breathed again, slower this time. When she’s finally focused, she saw a hand offering a can of coffee to her.</p><p>“I don’t like coffee,” Irene blurted, wheezing a bit.</p><p>Irene thought Sooyoung would throw the can away, but the girl came with a bag and she took out another one from it.</p><p>“I don’t drink tea too.”</p><p>Sooyoung rolled her eyes. “Seriously though, you need to drink,” she pushed the warm can to Irene’s hand.</p><p>Irene glared at Sooyoung, mentally debating if the tea was poisoned (really, it’s a legit question).  As much Sooyoung existence annoyed Irene, Sooyoung didn’t seem like a type that would take people to somewhere empty to kill them. In the end, Irene, begrudgingly, accepted the drink and opened it. The first two sips were calming her shaking nerves and after four, the stabbing feeling in her chest disappeared and she’s finally able to breathe easier.</p><p>“Better?” Sooyoung inquired. She sat beside Irene and Irene’s eyes traveled up the sneakers Sooyoung’s wearing, the skinny jeans, the varsity jacket, and up to Sooyoung’s face. They shared a look for a moment and Irene was the first to look away. Sooyoung pitied her, there’s nothing else to explain this.</p><p>Irene hated being on the receiving end of pity.</p><p>“Kind of,” she replied curtly, taking another sip of her tea.</p><p>Sooyoung nodded but didn’t say anything. They sat there in silence, watching the leaves fluttering as the autumn wind breezed in. Sooyoung’s presence didn’t antagonize her as much as before, but Irene couldn’t shake the uneasy feeling in her heart. Her fingers tapped at the tea can but stopped abruptly when she saw Sooyoung standing up.</p><p>“You know, don't throw your life for something that isn’t real,” Sooyoung spoke, her eyes were looking forward before turning to Irene.</p><p>Irene grabbed the can tighter. “What’s that supposed to mean?”</p><p>Sooyoung scoffed. A smile was curving on her lips, short and sad.</p><p>“Just… take care of yourself,” Sooyoung said, nodding her head to Irene before walking away.</p><p>Irene scoffed. Trying to be cryptic? How stupid and childish. What the hell was Sooyoung playing, a mysterious benefactor? Was Irene supposed to listen and get an epiphany now? She gritted her teeth and walked to the trash bin, dumping the half-empty can harshly.</p><p>There was too much Irene needed to do than thinking about a vague warning from someone who didn't know anything.</p>
  </div></div>
<a name="section0010"><h2>10. real</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>Irene wandered through the stores.</p><p>She scanned down the list of books and supplies she needed to get. The professor said they needed to get another supplemental book because the ones they’re using this semester didn’t delve too deeply on the material for finals.</p><p>She pulled the scarf closer to her mouth, coughing softly. It’d been a week since her encounter with Sooyoung. They still didn’t talk much at the campus, but Sooyoung sent her a polite smile when they crossed paths in the hallway and Irene started to tolerate Sooyoung when she sat with her and Seulgi during lunch.</p><p>The books in her handbasket felt like they’re turning into stones. Irene wished she took one with the wheels so she could pull behind her. No time for that though. One more book then she could leave this place.</p><p>The bookstore had a reading section in the corner not far the register where most people sat there to read while enjoying a cup of coffee. It’s another popular spot for students as Irene could pinpoint some of her classmates sitting there. Irene despondently watched as the cashier scanned her book. Her mind wasn’t particularly empty, but she didn’t have anything interesting to think about either.</p><p>These days, with Seungwan gone, Irene slowly returned to her routine, back to where it was started. Her life was quickly molded back to how it was: perfect, uneventful, <em>colorless.</em> Seulgi created a playlist for her. She said good music would help her mood better. Irene tried to listen, <em>really tried</em>, but the singers were not Seungwan and Irene had grown accustomed to the beauty of that voice she couldn’t listen to anything else.</p><p>Offering a soft ‘thank you’ to the clerk, Irene hauled the tote bag to her shoulder and made her way to the exit.</p><p>That’s when she saw her.</p><p>Seungwan.</p><p>And the girl seemed to sense it too because she turned around to look at Irene. Seungwan looked good, just like how Irene remembered, but something about her was a bit off like she would disappear again if Irene dared to get too close.</p><p>The happiness she saw in those eyes was subdued. The smile was too rehearsed it made her look like she’s trying not to show too much. Irene squeezed the strap of her bag, gripped it like it’s the only thing that’s keeping her from running to Seungwan.</p><p>She remembered Sooyoung’s words. That Seungwan wasn’t worth her time, and Irene couldn’t decide whether she hated Sooyoung for telling her that or herself for starting to believe that maybe Seungwan wasn’t as real as Irene made her be.</p><p>“Irene.”</p><p>Her body reacted the same way every time Seungwan called her name; it brought shivers down her spine. Irene squeezed her eyes shut, filling her lungs with air to prepare herself before looking at Seungwan again.</p><p>“Seungwan.”</p><p>The blonde seemed to shudder at the call of her name. Round, brown eyes were looking terrified though it only lasted a second before her face turned unreadable. Irene breathed again. She took a purposeful step forward. Seungwan flinched but she didn’t move away.</p><p>“We really should stop meeting like this.”</p><p>Irene turned to face the girl in front of her, observing Seungwan for a secret to unfold.  Seungwan didn’t look cold; she didn’t look like she’s feeling anything at all. Irene’s eyes dropped to Seungwan’s hand and wondered what’s going to happen if she touched her. Would Seungwan disappear? Or was it going to be another way around?</p><p>“Yes, we should,” Seungwan answered, biting her lower lip. Irene wished she knew what was it about Seungwan that made her feel like this, to feel like she’s losing her mind and the sense of self when Seungwan was around. The other girl was staring at her mouth before she blinked to look up at Irene’s eyes. “This isn’t how I want to see you again,” she whispered, loud enough for both of them.</p><p>“And yet here you are,” Irene pointed, ignoring the fluttering of her heart. “I begin to think that ghosting me has become your hobby.”</p><p>At that, Seungwan laughed, shaking her head in bemusement. “Maybe,” she offered with a scoff. She walked away from Irene, dragging her feet along the pavement. “Are you doing okay?”</p><p>Irene followed. Three steps behind Seungwan, watching her back in the same way she watched the blue butterflies that night. Beautiful and yet so far away. It’s like they’re back being strangers again.</p><p>“I live.”</p><p>Seungwan threw her a look that’s a mixture of relief and sadness, and Irene didn’t understand what it meant. It gutted her in a way that made Irene wanted to hunch and cough everything out of her system. Why Seungwan had to look at her like that?</p><p>“Good. I’m happy,” Seungwan nodded. She stopped and faced Irene before observing the people around her; those people who didn’t seem to notice her presence. “Maybe that’s for the best.”</p><p>Irene’s brow creased. “What’s best?”</p><p>“To stay away from you,” the smile was melting into something sad. The corners of Seungwan’s lips tugging downward, and Irene wished she understood why Seungwan did that. Why Seungwan had to feel guilty for something that’s beyond her control?</p><p>“Why are you…” Irene sucked a frustrated breath through her teeth. Another cough was crawling up her throat, but Irene swallowed it down, tasting the pain pricking her chest. “Seungwan, stop speaking in riddles. I need to know—” the cough broke. Irene covered her mouth, trying to stop herself.</p><p>Seungwan was looking torn. Her lips drew tight, a hand reaching forward as if she wanted to touch Irene and ease her from the pain that’s wrecking her, but there’s also something else. Irene knew fear when she saw one and Seungwan, right now, was looking beyond terrified.</p><p>“<em>Seung</em>wan—” her voice cracked. People were gathering around her, one of them asking if she’s okay. Irene didn’t listen. She crawled to Seungwan, pushing the hands that touched her, ignoring the dirt on her jeans. “Don’t leave me,” she croaked, hacking another cough.</p><p>Tears started to swell in the corner of her eyes, both from the pain and the frustration she had for Seungwan. Fingers stretched out yet Irene only managed to pinch the end of Seungwan’s pants. <em>Pathetic,</em> she thought to herself.</p><p>“Irene.” And when Seungwan finally held her face in her hands, Irene realized that she missed Seungwan so much she didn’t even care that the insides of her body felt like melting at Seungwan’s touch. A thumb was brushing her lips and Irene saw red smearing the alabaster skin. “Irene, why are you so…”</p><p>She grabbed  Seungwan’s hand, looking at the red on the thumb before turning to her. “You’re bleeding.”</p><p>“It’s not my blood,” Seungwan said, her voice was shaking. Her eyes were glossy and broken. “I knew it’d end up like this but,” she trailed off. “I knew I shouldn’t keep seeing you but I can’t… It’s been too long.”</p><p>Irene held onto Seungwan’s wrist, tasting the metal on her tongue. “Then don’t,” she heaved. Seungwan’s eyes went wide at Irene’s answer. She tried again. This time, she held onto Seungwan. “Don’t leave me.”</p><p>“But I hurt you!”</p><p>“You don’t hurt me. You won’t. Never.” And nothing in this world could change her mind.</p><p>Her chest swelled when Seungwan finally pulled her in and enclosed her in the safety of her arms. It spilled to every nerve ends in her body. Made her head buzzing.</p><p>There’s so much happening and they overwhelmed her, but the touch was Seungwan, the smell was Seungwan, the <em>feeling</em> was Seungwan, and Irene didn’t care if Seungwan was a fault in her existence.</p><p>Irene pressed her hands against Seungwan’s cheeks and held her firm, to let Seungwan see that she didn’t see her as an anomaly, that Seungwan wasn’t a mistake that Irene had to correct. And, in return, Irene was granted with the view of the loveliest brown eyes that reminded Irene of songs, stars, and snow in a playground—</p><p>
  <em>Are you okay?</em>
</p><p>Someone called.</p><p>
  <em>It’ll be okay.</em>
</p><p>She felt fingers on her hair and a voice calling out to her. The wind was cold, bitter cold, and Irene reached out, trying to feel Seungwan again. Someone caught her but it’s different. Their grip was trembling, afraid, and a little too tight; it’s as if they tried to keep Irene from slipping away.</p><p>Irene breathed a name before darkness took over.</p><p>“…seungwan”</p>
  </div></div>
<a name="section0011"><h2>11. memories</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>
  <em>You’re the only one who listens.</em>
</p><p>Her eyes were wet. She tried to wipe it off when she caught a tube coming from an IV drip to the vein on the inside of her arm. Then, her gaze dropped to the white, loose gown on her body and Irene stared at the ceiling. They’re blinding white. They’re reminding her of snow, of the color of Seungwan’s hair. White, pale, and ashen.</p><p>She never hated white as much as she hated it now.</p><p>“Hey.”</p><p>Irene snapped out of her trance and turned around.</p><p>Seulgi tried her best to smile, but she looked cautious and hesitant as if she’s trying not to make Irene upset. She sat at the opposite end of the bed, near Irene’s feet, and pressed a comforting hand on Irene’s knee.</p><p>“How are you feeling?”</p><p>“I don’t know, I—” Irene shook her head, swallowing the onslaught of emotions before it overwhelmed her. She chewed on her lip and when she released it, Irene could taste the sharp iron on her tongue. “I feel like I’m going crazy.”</p><p>“Sooyoung took you to the hospital,” Seulgi said, looking away from Irene as if she’s ashamed of the fact that she couldn’t do more to help her. Her fingers clenched on the sheet tightly. “I was scared, you know. Sooyoung rarely panicked, but she sounded so scared when she called me. Said that you’re unconscious on the street with blood coming out from your mouth.” When Seulgi looked up, Irene could see tears brimming on the corners of her eyes. “I thought I’m going to lose you.”</p><p>Irene couldn’t look at Seulgi without feeling like she’s being punished for it. “I’m sorry.”</p><p>A sniff. “Why? What happened?” Seulgi asked. Her voice was thick with tears.</p><p>“I saw Seungwan,” Irene replied, simply.</p><p>“Her again?” Seulgi almost screeched. “Why are you always sound so obsessed when it comes to her?” Seulgi pressed. Her hand dropped to Irene’s and held it tight. Seulgi was shaking.</p><p>“I don’t know,” she confessed, whispered. Honestly, Irene didn’t know what’s going on anymore. <em>I’m losing my mind,</em> Irene wanted to say but she didn’t because that would make Seulgi worry and Irene didn’t want that. “I just don’t want to see her go,” she looked up at Seulgi, feeling hot tears on her cheeks. She didn’t wipe them away. Her tears would never stop rolling when it came to Seungwan.</p><p>
  <em>Just like before.</em>
</p><p>Seulgi turned her head to the door at the sound of a knock. Sooyoung’s perfume didn’t smell as sharp as she entered the room. Irene had her eyes on her lap; her tears were overflowing as the pain returned. The pain was different. It squeezed her from the inside, making Irene wanted to pry her chest open and pull out her aching heart.</p><p>Someone touched her chin. The way Sooyoung looked at her was like a preemptive strike that hit Irene right in the chest. Sooyoung didn’t judge her; she’s just looking, searching, understanding, and Irene almost whished for Sooyoung to say something horrible if it meant to escape from that gaze.</p><p>Sooyoung retracted her hand away from Irene. “I thought I lost you there,” she said pointedly, almost sighing in relief.</p><p>“You should let me,” Irene whispered. Seulgi was openly glaring at Irene. Sooyoung, however, was giving her a pensive look that felt more like a gut on the stomach.</p><p>“Yeah. Maybe that's a good idea,” Sooyoung replied dryly, “but nobody wants you gone…” she trailed off, voice heavy. “Even <em>she </em>doesn’t want you gone.”</p><p>A soft gasp escaped from her mouth as she began to lose it. Seungwan didn’t want to leave, she wanted to be with Irene as much as Irene wanted to be with her. She met Seungwan in that intersection, but she also remembered meeting Seungwan in that snowy playground where everything was white and the cold was biting. Seungwan had always been singing about love, about loneliness, about the pain that others couldn’t understand, and Irene was there to share Seungwan’s pain and the warmth that’s meant for both of them.</p><p>Irene gritted her teeth. She wanted to scream, but what came out from her mouth was choked sobs and pained whimpers. Her nails buried deep into the sheets, threatening to rip the cloth apart. Outside, the sky had turned dark. Nighttime had come, and Seungwan was probably in that intersection again, singing her heart out with nobody listened or remembered her voice.</p><p>Irene’s heart was clenching again.</p><p>Seungwan. Her sweet Seungwan. Her lonely Seungwan.</p><p>“You want to see her again?” Sooyoung’s voice was muffled, too far away.</p><p>“I… couldn’t do anything,” Irene replied instead. Talking made her chest hurt. “I wish I could do more for her. Really—” she held her sob. “I could’ve done more.”</p><p>“But you have,” Sooyoung’s voice was too gentle, too kind, and it didn’t make Irene feel better. “You gave her more than anything she could’ve ever asked.”</p><p>Irene’s eyes were red as she glared at Sooyoung. Both from the tears and anger. “What do you know?” she growled. The fact that Sooyoung didn’t look slightly offended only made everything worse.</p><p>“I don’t, but…” Her shoulders dropped in exhaustion. Sooyoung’s face was paler than usual. “I can understand why you’re so attached to her and why she’s also reluctant to leave you. But… this is <em>not</em> how you and her supposed to be.”</p><p>“I don’t care.”</p><p>“And if you do disappear, what do you think will happen to your family?”  Irene blinked her tears to look at Seulgi. She was so focused on Sooyoung she forgot that Seulgi hadn’t left the room. “Or to me? Have <em>you</em> ever thought about that?”</p><p>Seulgi’s voice was like cold water on Irene’s face. Never in her life, Irene saw Seulgi this sad,<em> angry</em> even, and if Seulgi was angry it only meant one thing.</p><p>“It’s not—”</p><p>Seulgi wasn’t keen on listening to excuses as she squeezed Irene’s hand too tightly like she’s trying to prove a point.</p><p>“The last time I saw you like this was when in high school. You didn’t go out of your room for six months. You missed school, you missed exams, you cut everyone from your life. I couldn’t even reach you…” Seulgi was trying to keep a strong façade and failed miserably as she pressed her hands in Irene’s cheeks, eyes searching Irene’s. “Joohyun-<em>unnie</em>, you’re just like this back then. You’re lost to us, to the world. You looked like you didn’t want to live anymore. And it scared me.”</p><p>Irene didn’t understand. Joohyun was her name, but something about it tasted different. <em>Foreign,</em> even. Someone gave her another name and it’s not Joohyun.</p><p>
  <em>Irene is a pretty name. Just like you.</em>
</p><p>She barely listened to Seulgi’s sobs when the girl buried her face on the crook of Irene’s neck.</p><p>
  <em>I’ll call you Irene from now on. </em>
</p><p>The girl held her guitar and her ashen blonde hair almost meshed together with the snow. The cool, blue air around her filled Joohyun’s head with an otherworldly image. The snow maiden, maybe, and Joohyun was captivated, unable to look away as she listened to the girl’s singing, unable to pry the bars open and escape. Joohyun, back then, was thinking this must be how it felt to lose your life as you were drawn to beautiful things, ignoring the danger and the consequences of getting too close.</p><p>
  <em>And what should I call you?</em>
</p><p>
  <em>Seungwan.</em>
</p><p>Irene gasped, pressing her hand on her head.</p><p>Seungwan was real for Joohyun.</p><p>But for Irene, Seungwan was—</p><p>“… oh god,” Irene choked back a cry. “Seungwan-ah…”</p>
  </div></div>
<a name="section0012"><h2>12. snow</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>She met her that evening when the first snow fell. Because Joohyun took too long arranging the books in the library and Seungwan was so bad with directions she’d been circling the neighborhood for hours. They bumped in an intersection and Joohyun almost knocked out of her balance if Seungwan wasn’t catching her from falling.</p><p>“Oh sorry,” was the first thing Seungwan said to her with a beaming smile and a pair of brown eyes that reminded Joohyun of stars. “Are you okay?” the girl asked, blonde bangs swept along her forehead.</p><p>Joohyun answered she’s fine as she took Seungwan in, thinking if Seungwan was a foreigner and got lost in this snow. Her eyes landed on Seungwan’s hair, to a row of jewels piercing Seungwan’s ears, to her clothes because Seungwan didn’t wear coats or jackets to protect herself against the cold. Instead, she was draped in an oversized flannel, white t-shirt, skinny jeans, and a pair of city-worn converse. She’s different from anyone in this city and Joohyun could feel her palms itch.</p><p>Something was shifting.</p><p>“Do you know this address?” Seungwan asked as she showed Joohyun her phone; her lips curved in a charming smile. A bit boyish, but Joohyun liked it. “My friend’s house is supposed to be around here. I’ve been walking forever and I still can’t find it.”</p><p>They chatted a bit when Joohyun took Seungwan to the address. Seungwan was eighteen to Joohyun’s sixteen. She moved to Canada in her fifth year of elementary school and lived there until she graduated high school. And while Seungwan could speak Korean perfectly, there were times when she stopped to think about the proper words she was about to use.</p><p>Seungwan talked in motions. Her voice was loud, firm with confidence, and Joohyun thought she could listen to that voice forever. Talking to Seungwan was easy. The girl was an open book as she easily pulled Joohyun inside her bubble, welcoming her with a familiarity that Joohyun never felt before.</p><p>It took a while for them to get to the address. Joohyun didn’t want to admit it, but she purposely took a longer route because, as much as it annoyed her, she didn’t want her conversation with Seungwan to end. They parted ways in front of the entrance of the apartment complex, and Seungwan took Joohyun’s hand and wrapped it carefully in hers as if holding something precious.</p><p>"Thank you. You saved me... er,"</p><p>"Joohyun," she replied, shyly. "My name's Joohyun."</p><p>"Well, Joohyun, thank you for your help."</p><p>“And what should I call you?”</p><p>“Seungwan.”</p><p><em>Just Seungwan</em>.</p><p>“Will I see you again?” Seungwan asked.</p><p>“Of course,” Joohyun answered. “I will meet you again.”</p><p>They did meet each other again.</p><p>Like when Joohyun was waiting for the bus, she saw Seungwan on the other side of the street, a guitar in her hand, as she sang for anyone willing to stop and listen. Some stopped to toss a coin to her, some didn’t even bother to look, but Seungwan kept singing like it’s her only purpose.</p><p>Whether she sang for a living or something else, Joohyun couldn’t deny that Seungwan had a very beautiful voice, a gift that she treated with such passion and honesty that made Joohyun’s heart flutter in warmth.</p><p>“Can you sing for me?”</p><p>The park was empty and it was raining snow that day. And Seungwan’s voice was like a flickering ember amid the bitter cold of winter. The whole time she spent her time away from Seungwan, Joohyun had Seungwan’s voice on her mind. During a particularly boring lesson, she would remember Seungwan and the time they spent together; she ran a bit faster during P.E because she couldn’t wait for school to over so she could run to that park to meet Seungwan again.</p><p>The feeling was weird, but not unwelcomed. Seungwan had become a new addition to Joohyun’s routine, and she embraced it with all her heart.</p><p>They met for days, weeks, and Seungwan always had something new for Joohyun to enjoy. She wrote songs: about love, about yearning, about heartaches—sometimes she’d write songs about puppies, and Seungwan would sing them for Joohyun.</p><p>She gave Joohyun her guitar pick, the one colored in blue and scattered with stars, and taught Joohyun to play. The roughness of Seungwan’s fingers contrasted with how gentle she helped Joohyun forming the F chord. The session would always end up with Joohyun complaining her fingers hurt and Seungwan laughed it off, but not without giving a small massage to appreciate the effort.</p><p>On that particular cloudy day, Seungwan told her that she’s going to move out. “We had a conflict of interest,” she explained with a tense smile. Seungwan never told Joohyun anything about the person in that apartment. Maybe they’re friends, or lovers, or whatever, but Seungwan was looking particularly sad that day her smile even looked different.</p><p>“Bad breakup?”</p><p>A laugh and a strum of the guitar answered her. “You could say that,” the blonde scoffed. Her breath came out in a long, puffy mist. The color of Seungwan’s jacket was fading and Joohyun could see dark roots started to form in between the blonde.</p><p>“What can I do?” Joohyun offered, hands touching Seungwan’s knees. “What can I do to make you feel okay again?”</p><p>Seungwan’s eyes dropped to Joohyun’s hands before raking up to her face. A moment between them, no exchanged words, just a quiet understanding and a mutual adoration between them.</p><p>Slowly, Seungwan took Joohyun's hand in hers and pressed her lips in between the knuckles.</p><p>Joohyun gasped. Her body was heating up from the inside. She didn’t pull away. No. She <em>didn’t want</em> to pull away.</p><p>“Thank you,” Seungwan’s breath was tickling her skin, cold and gentle. “You’re too kind, Irene.”</p><p>“Irene?”</p><p>“I want to call you that. Irene’s a pretty name, just like you.” Her smile faltered a bit, “Is that okay?”</p><p>“Yes,” her voice dropped to a whisper.</p><p>Seungwan called Joohyun when she moved out to a new place. A small flat near the city square where the living room and kitchen shared space, the bedroom was hidden behind a small section and fit for a futon and a bookshelf to store the essentials.</p><p>They often sat by the coffee table. Oftentimes, Seungwan helped Joohyun with school work, and it surprised her because Seungwan was smart and her explanation was easier to understand compared to her teachers. After that, Seungwan would play a song and while Joohyun made hot cocoa for both of them before sitting down and enjoying the time they had for each other.</p><p>The routine continued. Each afternoon and evening, in each and everything they did together. They went out exploring the new part of the city, their first fight and make-up, when Seungwan wrote Joohyun a song and gave it as a present, the blinding smile and the painful tears, and other times after that—Joohyun treasured them all.</p><p>“Are you not bored of me?”</p><p>Joohyun was never bored of Seungwan. It’s like she couldn’t find a reason for it, too. Maybe Joohyun was getting a bit too attached, too sentimental for her own good. But Seungwan was her friend, her comfort, the only one that Joohyun didn’t want to be away for too long.</p><p>“I would never be bored with you.”</p><p>There was one thing that always disturbed her. Sometimes, no matter how many hours they spent together, Joohyun would have a feeling that Seungwan would disappear. So many times, when she watched Seungwan’s shoulders when they parted ways in that intersection, Joohyun felt the need to keep watching until Seungwan safely went inside the bus. Her voice, the atmosphere around her when she sang, always had a kind of ephemerality, the uncertainty of eternity that had yet to be unsaid.</p><p>“I’m starting a new job next Monday,” Seungwan said that day as she looked at Joohyun full in the face. “You know that jazz lounge in the city? I got a position as a guitarist there,” she continued with a smile. “It’s not much, but I guess I can finally start somewhere.”</p><p>Joohyun was happy for Seungwan. Her brain already creating an image of Seungwan singing on stage with the spotlight shining down on her. Seungwan’s voice would echo against the lounge’s wall, sending vibrations and awe to everyone lucky enough to hear it.</p><p>“So, I can’t see you again? You're going to get busy from now on.”</p><p>“What? Of course, you can Irene,” Seungwan put a comforting hand on Joohyun’s shoulder. “The lounge is open for minors too. You can come and watch me there.”</p><p>“Really?” Joohyun blushed. “I can come?”</p><p>“It’ll make me happy if you come to see me,” Seungwan inched reached out to Joohyun, and put her hand on the girl’s head, fingers smoothing her hair in a burst of affection and adoration. “You listened to me first,” her voice was too soft, like a whisper, and Joohyun’s heart did that fluttering again. Like butterflies. It never stopped. “And I want to see you again there, between the crowds, because you’re…” Seungwan bit her lips, suddenly nervous. “How should I put it? You’re… my friend? My first fan?”</p><p>Joohyun swallowed. “Yeah?” gasping softly when Seungwan’s thumb brushing the side of her mouth. Her breathing, it came in soft puffs, and her heart—oh god her heart, it was beating so fast Joohyun couldn’t hold it anymore.</p><p>“The only one I’ve ever had,” Seungwan concluded, whispered, staring deeply at Joohyun as if she’s going to drown in the depths of her soul.</p><p>“You mean that?”</p><p>Seungwan answered with a kiss that’s befitted of a lover, and Joohyun had no chance to ask. Not when her lips were firmly sealed, not when Seungwan was stealing her breath with every inhale.</p><p>As it turned out, it was love.</p><p>It was Sunday evening. They had done nothing but have fun that whole day as they walked along the riverside laughing and joking. The biting winter air was beautifully painted by the starry sky overhead. The wind stung their cheeks as the stars twinkled above. Their fingers intertwined, joined in Seungwan’s pocket, everything was perfectly aligned, and Joohyun remembered it as the most beautiful moment in her life.</p><p>“I wrote a new song. It's about you.”</p><p>"Really? Can I hear it now?"</p><p>"I'm going to sing it to you tomorrow. When I start my job."</p><p>Joohyun's laugh chorused along with the flow of the river. "You're just going to embarrass me."</p><p>"Oh no. It's a beautiful song. Because I wrote it with you in mind," Seungwan squeezed Joohyun's hand tighter. "You'll love it. I promise."</p><p>Seungwan wasn’t supposed to break that promise. Joohyun was supposed to listen to Seungwan’s voice that night, in that jazz lounge, and they would’ve returned home together with Seungwan holding her hand as they walked down the snowy path. They should’ve had all the time in the world, all the kisses, all the promises, and everything more.</p><p>The snow was red that day, and Seungwan couldn’t make it to the lounge.</p><p>And that was the day where Joohyun felt her life had stopped, her soul went away to someplace far where Seungwan could be at. She watched the world outside from behind her window, wide-eyed, tortured by the memory of Seungwan; the sky was turning to a clear blue and she would feel abandoned in this colorless world where Seungwan’s voice was never to be heard again.</p><p>Joohyun loved Seungwan for the first time.</p><p>Irene loved Seungwan for the last time.</p><p>… and the fact that they would never be together pierced her even more.</p>
  </div></div>
<a name="section0013"><h2>13. boundary</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>Irene pushed the door close and waved to Seulgi and Sooyoung. She watched the taxi pulled off until it turned left on the next crossroad.</p><p>She walked to the entrance slowly; her steps were slightly hindered. She knew the way to the elevator, she knew which floor her room was, but everything seemed darker tonight, the sadness tugging at her ankles. Her heart was empty, carrying nothing but herself as she moved forward, alone, lost, and confused.</p><p>Irene always thought she had the control, but who’s to say it also applied to Joohyun? Who’s to say that Joohyun hadn’t been in pieces since that day?</p><p>Irene forgot. Joohyun didn’t.</p><p>Everything moved on autopilot as Irene unlocked the door and threw the keys carelessly onto the kitchen counter. She didn’t bother to turn the lights on. Today had been especially long.</p><p>Sleep came right after her body dropped onto the bed. But the darkness in her dream wasn’t gentle. It was rough and biting, lonely, and paralyzing. Irene tossed and turn, her bed creaking in every movement. This darkness was chaining her. She wanted out; she couldn’t get out.</p><p>
  <em>I want to be always with you.</em>
</p><p>A single tear dropped from her eyes and Irene woke up. Abruptly. Her breathing was rushed, her chest was full and close to bursting. Her eyes ran to the digital clock on the night table. No more than five minutes passed.</p><p>Irene thought time had moved for her. She wanted time to move.</p><p>But it never did.</p><p>Time had stopped for Joohyun the first time when Seungwan died.</p><p>Sniffing, she sat up, fingers crumpling the bedsheet. She brushed her eyes; they’re swollen and red, ready to pop out of their sockets. Another cough crawled on her throat. It wasn’t as sharp as before, but the sting was still there. The doctor told her to spend a night in the hospital as a precaution in case her cough was getting worse.</p><p>She refused.</p><p>This cough wasn’t an illness.</p><p>It’s a reminder for her that she had to move, that time had grown tired of waiting for her.</p><p>“I have to go…”</p><p>Joohyun muttered to herself, forcing her limbs to move. The ground was shaking as she walked, but Joohyun kept moving forward. She wanted time to move again. She didn’t want to be the one left behind. And Seungwan… her <em>dear</em> Seungwan was waiting for her there, in that intersection, where nobody saw her, where time also didn’t move for her.</p><p>Joohyun bit her lip. She and Seungwan—they’re not different from one another. Maybe it’s how the universe told her that they were really for each other: frozen in time. One didn’t want to leave, the other one didn’t want to let go.</p><p>It was so late at night but there were still people around. The neon lights were too bright and the colors were starting to blur the further Joohyun walked. Someone was belting a note from one of the open bars; the voice was rough, the breathing was terrible, he sang off-note in some of the phrases, but it evoked a strange comfort within Joohyun. The voice numbed her combusting nerves and Joohyun slowly counted numbers in her head.</p><p>That voice was real. It belonged to someone who’s moving within the flow of time. Seungwan’s voice was like a lullaby, a comfort that you didn’t want to let go of. This voice, however, was more like a rush of cold water on your face. It woke you up, it made you see, it was <em>real</em>.</p><p>The mess that was her mind began to untangle, the needles had stopped pricking, and, as she looked up the sky, Joohyun realized the moon was beautiful tonight.</p><p>Just as beautiful as the girl who stood before her.</p><p>“…Seungwan.”</p><p>Seungwan peered over her shoulder. She didn’t smile, but her eyes spoke so many things. “Irene,” she greeted back. Her voice was small, bitter thing, tied up in bitterness. Neither of them moved. No hugs, no kisses, no touch. It’s like there’s a boundary between them and there’s nothing they could do to tear that wall down.</p><p>Joohyun opened her mouth but Seungwan beat her first.</p><p>
  <em>Listen to my story</em>
</p><p>
  <em>Even though you will laugh at it</em>
</p><p>
  <em>I want to tell you everything</em>
</p><p> </p><p>Seungwan’s voice was nowhere near horrendous. Songs came to Seungwan like breathing; she gave her heart to every note that came out from her mouth. She gave life to every phrase, to every melody. Her voice was soothing, comforting, but it’s also… <em>unreal.</em></p><p>
  <em>Fooling you is not something I want to do</em>
</p><p>
  <em>But I keep fooling, I keep stealing</em>
</p><p>
  <em>Maybe it’s my fault that the world is distorted</em>
</p><p>
  
</p><p>And, even now, Joohyun could only watch Seungwan, noticing the lights that shining through Seungwan’s body. She wanted to touch Seungwan, badly, but both of them knew it’s impossible. The touch, the hug, the kiss, everything they did, it made them happy but it also the source of all pain and sadness that took too long to go away.</p><p> </p><p>
  <em>I wonder for too long</em>
</p><p>
  <em>And I forget that breathing was used to be painful</em>
</p><p>
  <em>But leaving you is a sin</em>
</p><p>
  <em>And fate is never kind</em>
</p><p>
  
</p><p>
  
</p><p>
  <em>I want the one I love so dearly</em>
</p><p>
  <em>To know and understand what it means to love someone</em>
</p><p>
  <em>Even though it’s selfish</em>
</p><p>
  <em>Like I know and understand everything</em>
</p><p>
  <em>In the end, I still know nothing</em>
</p><p>
  
</p><p>“I should’ve tried harder.”</p><p>“What should?” Seungwan responded. She crossed her legs, looking at nothing in particular.</p><p>“I could’ve done more,” Joohyun continued. Her voice was trembling. It’s was pitiful.</p><p>At that, Seungwan laughed. Brash and bitter. Her shoulders dropped in a sigh, although it was likely Seungwan did not need to do that. A habit, maybe? A reminder that she was alive once.</p><p>“But you did,” said Seungwan. “Even though I’m no longer allowed to be in this world, you still remember me. You still treasure my voice. And I’m happy, Irene. I do.”</p><p>Seungwan didn’t lie, and it hurt more Joohyun more than she liked to admit. Seungwan was otherworldly and unreachable. And when Seungwan was starting to sing again, her voice cut Joohyun more than hundreds of knives.</p><p>“I couldn’t forget you, Seungwan,” Joohyun confessed. They stood there and stared at each other. The lights bothered her; they’re too bright, harsh in a way that made her want to pluck her eyes out. “I thought that I moved on, but I didn’t. I haven't been living all this time, because I always think of you… and tortured by your memory.” She grabbed her shirt. The cold stung her lungs as she breathed in. Another cough was threatening to fall from her lips but Joohyun kept everything in.</p><p>“Me too,” Seungwan croaked. Arms pulled up around her chest and Joohyun could tell she’s not the only one trying to keep everything from bursting. “I never wanted to leave you, maybe that’s why I’m…” she shook her head in a fit of frustration before looking back at Joohyun. “I knew it would turn out this way. I knew that the more I see you, the more it would make you suffer…”</p><p>A sharp cough cut Joohyun's voice. She used the lamppost to keep her balance as pain wracked her body. Seungwan didn’t want to leave, and it hurt Joohyun to know she had no power to change that fact. She wanted to reach to Seungwan, she wanted to have Seungwan in her arms again.</p><p>“Maybe that’s how we are,” she wheezed. Her tongue tasted blood, but that’s not important. Instead, she forced out a smile to Seungwan. It came off more like a wince of pain because her body was starting hurt everywhere. “We’re both trapped. In this cage. But maybe that’s what we both want,” she pushed her body off the post and took the first step to Seungwan.  </p><p>Joohyun moved forward, feet lightly tapped against the concrete it made no sound. She reached out her hand to Seungwan, ignoring every fiber on her being that screamed at her to stay away, to let Seungwan <em>go</em>. Even after all this time, she couldn’t wrap her head around anything more coherent than this—<em>this</em> yearning for Seungwan. Maybe there’s a truth from that too, that Joohyun didn’t exactly want to move, that Joohyun chose to stay in this cage forever.</p><p> </p><p>“Don’t touch her.”</p><p> </p><p>It was funny, in a morbid sense of things, that Sooyoung always seemed to know when and where to show up. Joohyun wanted to be mad, but she only watched Sooyoung as the tall girl stood between her and Seungwan.</p><p>“Why are you here…?” Joohyun husked. The scent of Sooyoung’s perfume was stronger now that she stood so close. “Sooyoung—”</p><p>“Because you’re an idiot,” the reply was sharp. Joohyun felt her blood turn to ice when Sooyoung turned to glare at her. It didn’t stay long because Sooyoung quickly changed her focus to Seungwan. “I know you’re going to look for her again even if it’s going to kill you.”</p><p>“What are you going to do…?”</p><p>“Ending this.”</p><p>Joohyun ignored the searing pain in her limbs as she forced herself to move. Scrambling on her feet, she pushed Sooyoung away and used her body as a shield between Sooyoung and Seungwan. Joohyun felt her heart dropped to her stomach when she caught Sooyoung pulled a dagger from behind her jacket. The blade was black and curved, jewels slotted on the handle as they sparkled dully under the neon lights.</p><p>“No,” Joohyun croaked, fully aware of what Sooyoung was about to do.</p><p>Sooyoung didn’t budge. Her eyes were piercing and sharp, but the glare wasn’t for Joohyun. “Move,” she ordered. There’s a certain look in her eyes that made Joohyun’s insides turn into knots.</p><p>The way her heart was beating so hard in her chest made Joohyun wondered how in the world she’s still able to stand. Her eyes were running wild; there were people around them, why didn’t they notice a thing? A girl who held a weapon in the middle of a street would’ve attracted attention, but people just walked away, ignored them, as if there’s no one there. Just like how they ignored Seungwan…</p><p>A terrifying realization fell to Joohyun like a premonition. She couldn’t have been—</p><p>“Irene,” she heard Seungwan call her. “You’re—”</p><p>“Move!” Sooyoung was impatient.</p><p>Joohyun gritted her teeth. She didn’t want to move. If Sooyoung had to kill her to kill Seungwan, then so be it. Joohyun would never move.</p><p>When Sooyoung started to run, Joohyun pinched her eyes closed. Her senses went suddenly overdrive; each nerve ends were fried. It was said that you’re going to see your life like a slideshow when you’re dying, but Joohyun didn’t see that. Instead, she saw explosions of blackness, like fireworks but it was dark and consuming. The inside of her head felt like nuclear warfare, chaotic, as Joohyun felt everything and nothing at the same time.</p><p>And it abruptly stopped.</p><p>The blackness stopped exploding, quietly, and Joohyun didn’t feel like she’s being electrocuted anymore. Opening one eye, Joohyun saw the flickering neon first before a shade of blonde caught her attention.</p><p>Seungwan was embracing her, and behind Seungwan was Sooyoung, still holding the dagger.</p><p>The said dagger, however, was buried deep on Seungwan’s back.</p><p>“Wh—” Joohyun breathed. Panic, anger, and confusion mixed into one she couldn’t decide which one she felt the strongest. She frantically held onto Seungwan and glared at Sooyoung, “What are you…!”</p><p>Sooyoung ignored the question and pulled the dagger as Joohyun watched in horror. She was expecting to see blood spurting out from the open wound.</p><p>She saw blue instead. Blue butterflies. They fluttered to the sky before disappeared under the pale moonlight.</p><p>“Seungwan…” Joohyun called. Her heart was frantic again as she saw Seungwan body was slowly fading away. “Oh god, Seungwan!”</p><p>Seungwan’s hair was tickling Joohyun’s cheek as she pulled away. Joohyun was ready to spill but stopped at the ghostly touch on her skin. Seungwan’s eyes were round and bright; there’s something bittersweet brimming inside and Joohyun’s heart was clenching again.</p><p>“I’m happy,” Seungwan told her. She held Joohyun’s face with both of her hands, fingers rubbing on the small of Joohyun’s jaw. “I’m really happy that I could meet you in my life, Irene.”</p><p>Joohyun didn’t sob, didn’t curse at Sooyoung for what she did to Seungwan, but her tears were rolling freely down her face and she had no power to stop them. Seungwan’s lower body had disintegrated as the butterflies kept fluttering away. She reached out to Seungwan, trying to fist on her jacket, but her hand went through and crushed the shadow butterflies instead.</p><p>“You’re not leaving me,” Joohyun rasped. Blurted. Her voice was trembling. Joohyun’s hands were moving on Seungwan’s face in a rapid haze of searching for clarity, fingers touching Seungwan’s hair, cheeks, nose, and her mouth, trying to reassure herself, <em>selfishly</em>, that Seungwan wasn’t going to disappear. Again.</p><p>“I have to.” Her mouth curled and thinned. She held Joohyun’s wrist and pressed the open palm onto her cheek, lips kissing Joohyun’s fingers tenderly. “You’ll be okay.”</p><p>“<em>I’m not okay!”</em>, Joohyun exploded. Seungwan’s body, or what’s left of it, was disappearing at an alarming rate. She didn’t stop crying; her eyes were red and blown with exhaustion and hysteria. “I’m not going to be okay if you’re not—”</p><p>Seungwan’s lips felt more like a brush of butterfly’s wings when she kissed Joohyun, but the electricity that ran down her spine was real and Joohyun found herself kissing back, gasping when it finally hit her. All the feelings and all those years of grief and yearning exploded to the surface as she gave everything to the kiss.</p><p>…Everything because Seungwan was her love.</p><p>Her first love.</p><p>Joohyun fell to her knees as the last butterfly fluttered away. Face buried in her hands, Joohyun wished for the ground to split open and swallow her whole. Faintly, she felt someone pulling her up, followed by a pair of strong yet slender arms circling her trembling shoulders.</p><p>“You’ll be okay, Joohyun-<em>unnie</em>,” the voice told her. It was soft, dark, and gentle, and Joohyun was crying harder. The arms hugged her tighter like a promise of never letting go. “You’re not going to be alone anymore.”</p><p>Was Joohyun sad? Angry? Relieved? Frightened? She couldn’t decide but she held onto Sooyoung as emotions swept over her too quickly, and Joohyun found herself stuck at the bottom of this deluge.</p><p>The tears kept falling.</p><p>And they fell for someone that night.</p>
  </div></div>
<a name="section0014"><h2>14. Love</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>It was snowing that morning.</p><p>Most of Joohyun’s face was covered in a scarf, her collar popped up to shield her neck from the cold and her hands stuffed deep into the pockets of her coat. She concentrated on walking, footsteps brisk, and measured against the pavement.</p><p>She stopped by the crossing to wait for the light to turn green. Joohyun turned to the people around, making stories about their lives to pass the time. She didn’t do this often, making up stories for people, but it helped Joohyun to think about something else other than <em>that</em>. It’s a weird coping mechanism but Joohyun could live with one more guilt.</p><p>“Hey.”</p><p>She turned to see Sooyoung standing beside her. The girl was still a head taller than Joohyun, and she wore an oversized red coat that complimented the color of her lipstick. She gave Joohyun a stiff smile, probably out of habit or because of the cold. Joohyun didn’t want to know.</p><p>But she gave Sooyoung a brief smirk in return before resuming her people-watching.</p><p>“Are you okay?” Sooyoung began. Her tone was neutral and Joohyun, at least, appreciated Sooyoung for keeping everything civil between them.</p><p>“I guess so,” Joohyun answered, chewing on her lower lip. “And you?”</p><p>Mist fluttered out Sooyoung’s mouth as she exhaled. “I’m good.”</p><p>Joohyun nodded. The light turned green and her body automatically followed the crowds to cross. She didn’t need to see but she could feel Sooyoung’s gaze on her. It didn’t sting her as much as before but still made Joohyun’s skin crawl. Sooyoung meant well, she knew just as much, but the girl was also bad at being subtle.</p><p>“It’s been three weeks,” Joohyun stated after they’d dispersed from the crowds. The walk to the campus wasn’t crowded and most of the students they encountered were too busy with their things. She glanced at Sooyoung briefly. “Thank you for always checking up on me.”</p><p>Seulgi and Sooyoung took turns in taking care of her, but Sooyoung took extra time and care to bring Joohyun back to her feet. The first few days were hellish as Joohyun often woke up due to nightmares and fire that burned her chest, and Sooyoung would be there beside her, holding her hand in a silent reassurance that everything’s going to be fine. Sooyoung’s hands were bigger than Seungwan’s, firmer, <em>rougher, </em>but they’re real and they kept the pain and grief away.</p><p>“I just want to see you okay again,” Sooyoung reasoned, shrugging. She gave the sky a forlorn look before sighing. “That’s what Seungwan wanted too.”</p><p>Joohyun tried to do better. God knows she <em>tried</em>, but the progress was slow and excruciating. It felt like having a bucket full of ice thrown at her face; it stung and it’s painful. But pain reminded Joohyun that this was the reality she’s living at the moment. That Seungwan wasn’t a part of this reality and Joohyun had to live with that. The pain and loneliness still lingered, but the bitterness had mellowed a little and Joohyun could breathe a little easier.</p><p>“You knew Seungwan, didn’t you?” it surprised both of them that Joohyun asked it first. The question stunned Sooyoung but Joohyun knew that she had to ask. “When she’s still alive?”</p><p>
  <em>She needed to know.</em>
</p><p>“…Yes,” Sooyoung answered. Her voice was small and unsure.</p><p>Joohyun sighed, nodding. “Was she your friend?”</p><p>“You know the park where you and Seungwan often sat together? Where she often sang for you?” Sooyoung looked at Joohyun. “I lived near there.”</p><p>Joohyun remembered. Houses and flats were surrounding that place and it’s not unusual to see children running around the place too. But Sooyoung’s statement didn’t answer her question. It sounded more like the beginning of something that Joohyun wasn’t aware of.</p><p>“Her voice was really beautiful wasn’t it?”</p><p>Sooyoung chuckled in agreement. “Yeah. I remembered that voice always gave me the strength to keep going back in the day,” she said softly, a smile forming on her lips. It was wider than the stiff curve she often did. Joohyun could only watch, feeling bittersweet at how Seungwan could still affect people even when she’s not here anymore.</p><p>“You know, I was born with gifts,” Sooyoung prompted as she gave Joohyun an expectant look.</p><p>“Gifts?”</p><p>“Powers, specialties,” she made an air-quote, complete with a roll of her eyes, “or, as those people from the sects said, ‘God’s gift’. You name it.”</p><p>Joohyun blinked. “Meaning…?”</p><p>“Well, you can say I have a strong bond with the world outside our own,” Sooyoung explained briefly, kicking a pebble in a gesture of disdain. “And before you can say ‘amazing’, no, nothing is amazing about it. It’s a hindrance. My family moved a lot because some weirdos from equally weird religions often knocking on our doors and asked me to come with them. Saying they need my power for greater good blah blah.”</p><p>Joohyun often heard about people with ‘powers’. There were tv shows about them too where they talked in a voice that’s not their own and told things like wishes and regrets that the dead had left behind. Her father loved that show and he often changed the tv channel when her mother wasn’t looking. Personally, Joohyun didn’t care about that kind of thing. More like she didn’t believe in ghosts, the afterlife, reincarnation, or whatever. She thought that death was the end of everything. You just stopped. Never to return until god’s know when.</p><p>Maybe that’s the reason why she took Seungwan’s death harder than anyone.</p><p>“I have two younger sisters too, and those people thought they shared the same power as I. They did not, and I felt like the odd one. A burden,” anger colored Sooyoung’s face at the memory. “My parents tried to protect us, so we moved a lot. I didn’t remember how many times we’d moved out. From one province to another, seeing new faces that I had no time to remember the names.”</p><p>They walked slower, causing other people to sidestep them. “It was snowing that day, I remembered. And I was in my room when I heard her voice,” Sooyoung continued, looking less tense than before. “I wasn’t always listening to songs. Don’t see the point because I thought what else out there if all I did was running away.”</p><p>Joohyun could empathize. She, too, didn’t pay too much attention to the world because she always had something to keep her mind occupied. She’s stuck to her routine just like Sooyoung. The universe must have a bizarre sense of humor for making Seungwan as the dent in the mechanism, the one that broke the spell of their monotonous life.</p><p>“Her singing was, like, the best part of the day. No matter how stressed I was, I found… solace in her voice,” she threw a somber chuckle to Joohyun before looking down. “Strange huh? Now that I think of it, I was strange. I mean, how can a stranger’s voice give me such comfort? You know how it feels, right? Like you’re buried under fresh blankets in the cold night?”</p><p>Joohyun laughed. Not because of the weird comparison, but because Sooyoung was right. Joohyun felt tight on the chest and her eyes were getting warm. “Yeah. It’s true.”</p><p>“I’d been imagining what kind of person she was, and curiosity finally got me. One day, I got out of the house and went to the park. I wanted to see her, to make the face of that voice. It was my lucky day because she was there, but she’s not alone.”</p><p>Sooyoung smiled, more like smirked, and Joohyun didn’t know if she had to hate Sooyoung for it. There’s a knowing in those eyes, an understanding that made Joohyun scared for whatever it meant. Something hot was creeping on her neck, making Joohyun felt like she’s a kid getting caught stealing cookies from the jar. “What?” she asked tersely, only to receive a laugh from Sooyoung.</p><p>“I saw her sitting on the snow and with a girl. A high school student, I think. The girl put her hands on Seungwan’s knees like she’s trying to comfort her, and she kissed the girl’s hands, very gently, like how she’d treat a lover,” said Sooyoung, ignoring how flushed Joohyun was. “I was quite young and my view of love might be a little screwed, but all I could think was I wish I could be that into someone, you know? Like there’s a bubble around you and you didn’t care about other people because she’s there.”</p><p>Long, puffy mist rolled out from her mouth in a wistful sigh.</p><p>“It just seemed… amazing, to get so lost in each other just from being existing. They never explained it in books, not even in dramas. They always complicate things when it’s just easy.”</p><p>“I know.”</p><p>“You know really?”</p><p>Joohyun closed her eyes and inhaled the dry air of winter. “I thought so too. It must be nice,” she unclenched her fingers inside her pockets, trying to get the blood flowing when in fact she just missed having Seungwan holding her hands. “To be so lost in someone.”</p><p>The campus gate was visible in the distance. She listened to Sooyoung’s voice as the girl greeted some of her friends, and Joohyun also gave a polite nod to some of her classmates.</p><p>“Did you know?” Joohyun blurted.</p><p>“What?”</p><p>“How she died?”</p><p>Sooyoung’s wide, dark eyes swept up Joohyun’s face in the same manner as what she did in the library a few weeks ago. Joohyun bit her lip. She couldn’t believe she just asked that. She shouldn’t have said that. But she said it. And maybe it’s because she wanted to know the truth too. Joohyun read the news, but talking to Sooyoung made her curious about other things. Mostly things that the news didn’t even bother to cover.</p><p>But Sooyoung was having this stone-cold of a face and Joohyun wasn’t so sure that asking her was the best decision. She’s panicking, ready to blurt her apology but Sooyoung stopped walking and gave Joohyun a piercing look.</p><p>“You sure you wanna know?”</p><p>Joohyun didn’t know but, “I’m asking, aren’t I?”</p><p>Sooyoung sighed, nodding. Her expression was resigned, almost in pain. She inhaled deeply and Joohyun noticed a tremble in her shoulders.</p><p>“Let’s go somewhere,” Sooyoung suggested, her voice small. She sighed again. “You need to know everything. It’s within your rights.”</p><p>Joohyun had questions but she quietly followed Sooyoung when the girl took her to the cafeteria. The place was warm inside. The lights were bright and some students were sitting on the tables at the center to work on their assignments. Sooyoung found a spot for them, hiding in a corner near the back.</p><p>She watched Sooyoung taking off her coat, noticing the girl was extra stiff after Joohyun asked her that question. How laughable, Joohyun thought, that someone who was so cryptic and swift when she ‘stabbed’ Seungwan was freaking out because of a simple question.</p><p>“I don’t know what to say to you.”</p><p>Joohyun’s head snapped up. Sooyoung was fiddling with her fingers, the hesitation was plain on her face, eyes darting around and teeth biting on the lip. The lights were bright and Joohyun could see Sooyoung’s expression better. Without the usual scowl and the hard appearance she often put on, Sooyoung was looking more like her age: awkward, tense, maybe a little afraid, just like everybody else.</p><p>“It was that night,” Sooyoung began, grimacing after and Joohyun noticed her flex her jaw and swallow before continuing. “I was out on an errand. My parents said I shouldn’t go out, but I insist. I just wanted to be a bit braver, you know? That time, I also had this feeling of wanting to introduce myself to Seungwan and tell that I’m her fan. It’s like a crush, a stupid one. I thought before I took the giant steps, I should start with a small one. So…”</p><p>Sooyoung’s nails were picking on the chipped coatings on the desk. Her lips tightened before another shaky breath took over. Sooyoung was struggling, Joohyun noticed. The words seemed to have already loaded on tip of her tongue, but something was preventing them from coming out.</p><p>“Those people from the sect. They’d been tailing us ever since we moved into the neighborhood. They got smarter by the way. Playing subtle. They didn’t knock on our doors, didn’t call us twice a week, but they’re still watching. In the shadows, like thieves,” Sooyoung chuckled, but it’s hollow and angry. “And I gave them that golden opportunity when I went out that night.”</p><p>“And…?”</p><p>“Of course I ran. I didn’t want them to come close to me. You can’t reason with them because their heads are full of crazy things. And they’re done playing nice. They tried to take me with any means necessary, even using violence.” Sooyoung pulled the sleeve of her shirt, giving Joohyun a proper look of a long, dimpled patch of skin that stretched from her forearm to her elbow. “They did this.”</p><p>Joohyun’s stomach flipped to knots at the statement. She’s not sure if she’s ready for the rest, but the voice inside her head told her to keep listening.</p><p>“And Seungwan…” Sooyoung shook her head at the mention, a bitter smile forming on her lips. “Seungwan just had to play the hero. She didn’t have the power to fight those people, her guitar wasn’t a machine gun in disguise. She only had her voice, and she yelled at them to let me go.” Sooyoung stopped picking on the paint and curled her fingers. “She walked closer, and tried to pry them away from me.”</p><p>Lashes fluttered as Sooyoung found Joohyun’s stare. Those eyes were glassy, pained, and Joohyun was moving on instinct as she took Sooyoung’s hand in hers.</p><p>“She didn’t have to do that.” Sooyoung was trembling under Joohyun’s touch and, in return, Joohyun held Sooyoung tighter. Her face dipped, her voice dipped, and there’s a tear dropping onto the table. “She could’ve walked away. <em>Should’ve</em> walked away. But she didn’t. She grabbed me and we made a run for it, but they…”</p><p>Sooyoung was swallowing hard. When she finally looked at Joohyun, bullets of tears were already rolling on her cheeks.</p><p>“They saw Seungwan as a hindrance, they wanted her gone. I pushed Seungwan away so they couldn’t hurt her, but Seungwan was an idiot because she used herself as a shield and…”</p><p>“They stabbed her,” Joohyun finished.</p><p>Red eyes flicked up at her. “Just like what I did to her when she hugged you.”</p><p>Joohyun’s mouth parted in shock. Sooyoung looked away in shame and regret although she had no reason to be.</p><p>Sooyoung pulled her hand away from Joohyun in a gesture as if she’s touching fire. She’s scrambling to wipe the tears away but they kept coming and Sooyoung finally gave up and let out a choked whine to her open palms.</p><p>Joohyun’s chest tightened. She, too, didn’t realize that she’s crying, but those tears weren’t for her. They’re for Sooyoung and the things that had been torturing Sooyoung all these years.</p><p>“Why didn’t you tell the truth?”</p><p>“Because it’s not convenient,” Sooyoung reasoned, voice thick with tears. “It’s easier to blame the robbers for her death. You don’t know how this country works, how powerful the people behind those religious cults are. They put a mask of piety in the front, but the truth is they did not hesitate to hunt a little girl because they thought she had ‘God’s gift’ and killed an innocent young woman who’s trying to help!”</p><p>A pause. Sooyoung breathed and it’s far shakier than before. She looked like she’d been holding it up everything inside, and now the dam was bursting, leaving Sooyoung open and vulnerable. Joohyun couldn’t imagine how painful it must be for Sooyoung to keep the secrets, unable to tell them because it would inconvenient to some people.</p><p>“She didn’t need to die,” Sooyoung husked with a shake of her head. Her eyes clashed with Joohyun’s and both of them could see the pain reflected on each other. “She wanted to live. She… wanted to be with you, Joohyun-<em>unnie</em>. Her last thoughts were you. Always you,” Sooyoung took Joohyun’s hand and held it tight. A testament of the truth she’s about to convey. “She was in love with you.”</p><p>Joohyun’s lip trembled as she pressed Sooyoung’s hand on her forehead, holding it up tight like an anchor that would keep her grounded. There’s sadness, but Sooyoung’s story had given her so much clarity and Joohyun realized that she’s falling in love with Seungwan all over again.</p><p>Everything was crashing together and Joohyun could feel it in her chest, the way how Seungwan made her feel a lot of things. Tears were rushing hot and damp on her cheeks. Joohyun was sobbing quietly, but her lips were forming a smile, a bittersweet smile.</p><p>“Thank you,” she told Sooyoung, her voice cracked. “Thank you for telling me.”</p><p>Sooyoung smiled back, teary, and reached out to wipe Joohyun’s tears with the tips of her fingers.</p><p>“She loved you, Joohyun-<em>unnie</em>,” she repeated with a conviction that made Joohyun’s heart flutter. “And she wanted you to remember her.”</p><p>Joohyun choked out a laugh. Something warm was forming on the small of her back. In the corners of her eyes, she could see a blonde and a ghost of a smile that stayed for a while before disappearing.</p><p>“Of course,” Joohyun whispered, nodding. Her answer remained simple. Just like how she loved Seungwan. “She’ll always stay with me.”</p><p>
  <em>Always.</em>
</p>
  </div></div>
<a name="section0015"><h2>15. heal</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>The library was warm.</p><p>Joohyun paused to check the books. Three works of literature and one textbook of financial management. She put them with other books from the same category. Another student came and Joohyun greeted him with a smile, polite but not overly kind. She accepted the returned book and scanned the barcode to cross-check it with the catalog. The machine beeped a few seconds later.</p><p>“You’re supposed to return this a week ago,” Joohyun said, giving the student a look.</p><p>“I’m sorry. Finals, you know. I holed up all night and got no time to return it,” he answered sheepishly while scratching his head, feigning innocence.</p><p>Joohyun raised a brow. “Are you going to say that to other students who needed this book to study?” she asked again. Her voice sharp. “Just because you need to pass the exams, it doesn’t mean you’re allowed to be selfish and keep this book to yourself.”</p><p>“…Uh, okay,” the student replied, shifting on his heels in confusion and discomfort. “Is… there a late fee I should be paying?”</p><p>“5000 won,” Joohyun told him without missing a beat and watched the student fumbling with his wallet before stopping him. “You don’t pay here. Go over there, near the entrance. Talk to Mr. Yoo. He’ll take care of you.”</p><p>“O-oh right. Sorry,” he stuttered, laughing nervously to ease the tension. He sent a quick bow to Joohyun before dashing off, almost slipping on his feet too.</p><p>Someone chuckled from behind her. Turning around, Joohyun saw Seulgi coming from the other side of the aisle, a smile on her face. She brought books in her hands and put them on the counter for Joohyun to scan them.</p><p>“Are you always treating students like that?”</p><p>“Only the tardy ones,” Joohyun reasoned as she pressed the scanner on the back cover.</p><p>“Well, thank god I’m punctual. I don’t want to be on the receiving end of your glare, <em>unnie</em>,” she laughed and earned a swift, painless slap on the arm from Joohyun. “Why library though?”</p><p>“Hm?” Joohyun missed the curious look on Seulgi’s face as she continued scanning the books.</p><p>“I’m curious,” Seulgi explained. She continued watching Joohyun until the older girl finished checking all of them. When Joohyun looked up, Seulgi’s face was serious. “Change of scenery?”</p><p>“Your card?” Seulgi handed her the library card and went straight to input the student ID. The clacking from the keyboard sounded a little too loud in this room. “Yes. You know how I like to keep myself busy, right?” Joohyun answered when she realized that ignoring Seulgi wouldn’t do both of them favor.</p><p>A skeptical eyebrow raised at the statement. “Really?”</p><p>Joohyun shook her head, laughing softly under her breath. “I’m not going to break,” she said and the change in Seulgi’s expression was too obvious even though she tried to keep her cool. She handed Seulgi the books and the girl accepted them with a worried pout.</p><p>“Well, I’m worried about you.”</p><p>Placing a hand on Seulgi’s shoulder, Joohyun squeezed it to make her point across. “I’m fine now,” she said, gently too.</p><p>It surprised her that she could say it with a straight face. The pain didn’t entirely go away. It still simmered under the surface of her heart. It still hurt, but Joohyun knew that she had all the time in the world to move forward, to learn to live with one less person to love, and to try to be a little happier to compensate for the years she’d spent grieving for her.</p><p>It took some time, but she’s here. She’s okay. And living wasn’t a bad thing at all.</p><p>“Oh yeah,” Seulgi cleared her throat. Her eyes were looking glassy, but she quickly blinked them before anything could come out. “I heard Soo’s working here too?”</p><p>“Yeah. She sometimes helps me when she’s not too busy.”</p><p>“Sooyoung’s a good kid,” Seulgi commented, and Joohyun agreed wholeheartedly. “She’s blunt and sometimes speaks like she knows everything, but she means well.”</p><p>Joohyun nodded. “I know. She helped me a lot,” with things that even she couldn’t even tell Seulgi. Sooyoung didn’t ask Joohyun to keep her condition a secret, but Joohyun wouldn’t yell to anyone on the streets that Sooyoung was able to see and ‘kill’ ghosts too. They bonded through mutual guilt, loneliness, and affection towards Seungwan, and Joohyun liked to have Sooyoung around.</p><p>“Is she here now?”</p><p>“She’s in the archive room. Why?”</p><p>“I want to take both of you for lunch.”</p><p>A smirk crept on Joohyun’s face. “You’re paying, right?”</p><p>Seulgi blushed but quickly regained her composure as she cleared her throat. “I have some dime to spare. And it’s been a while since we had lunch together and I thought we need some bonding time.”</p><p>Joohyun nodded and turned to look at the clock. It’s still fifteen minutes to twelve. “Okay. Let me pick Sooyoung then we can go.”</p><p>She made her way down the walkway between the shelves. A group of students was sitting on the reading table, jotting notes, reviewing the exam materials, and other things. Afternoon classes were always the most uninteresting ones. Most students would rather prepare for night classes because ‘fun’ things often happened at night. Joohyun heard some rumors but didn’t bother to delve deeper into them.</p><p>The archive room was unsurprisingly empty when she arrived. The place wasn’t something that people often visited. Even Joohyun rarely came to this place unless she had to find a title of some rare books that literature students often asked. It was dark and the air smelled like old papers and dust. Joohyun’s eyes were watery as she tried to keep the sneeze at bay.</p><p>“Sooyoung?”</p><p>“I’m here,” a voice replied from behind the shelf.</p><p>Joohyun walked deeper into the room, careful not to bump into any of the shelves. The air was getting colder the further she went in. The silence didn’t help either; it made her more aware of how eerie and weird the atmosphere around her. Breathing deeply, Joohyun braved on with one thing in mind.</p><p>“Hello, Joohyun-<em>unnie</em>.”</p><p>Sooyoung was holding a book. The cover was colored in dark brown and the title had faded. The girl was wearing casual clothes, her hair was pulled in a high ponytail that showed off her long neck. The familiar scent of perfume was still strong as ever as Joohyun approached her.</p><p>“Are you done?”</p><p>“Yeah,” Sooyoung said, weighing the book. “But there’s a tiny problem.”</p><p>Joohyun eyed the book briefly before turning to Sooyoung. “Something about the book?”</p><p>Sooyoung nodded. “This is an old book. And many people had read it. Well, it is a good book after all, and that’s the problem.”</p><p>Joohyun frowned as she followed Sooyoung. “What do you mean?”</p><p>“People have a different interpretation of this book regardless of what the author had in mind when they wrote it. The ideas, the possibilities are endless. The stronger people ‘feel’ about the story, the more they’re going to find some way to connect the idea with their emotions. And we know that emotions aren’t always the good ones.”</p><p>Joohyun always thought that Sooyoung was, for lack of better words, mysterious. Sooyoung showed kindness in her way, and while she had opened up to Joohyun and Seulgi, she still kept her distance and never overshared anything. And even though she and Sooyoung’s relationship was considerably better than the first time we met, Joohyun still didn’t know much about Sooyoung.</p><p>Maybe it’s for the best.</p><p>“What are you doing?” Joohyun asked when she saw Sooyoung pulled something from her purse, a lipstick, and used it to draw something on the desk: a circle with a five-point star inside. “Sooyoung?”</p><p>“Someone had really strong emotions when they read this. Many strong emotions: anger, sadness, despair,” Sooyoung answered as she placed the book in the middle of the pentagram. “And they add to other strong emotions that have been accumulated for years.”</p><p>“Is it… bad?”</p><p>Sooyoung chuckled. Her tone was somber and somewhat sad. “Not to the point of killing people, no, but it will affect someone. And if that person isn’t strong enough to keep it away, the thoughts will sneak into their heads and make them do things they’ll regret.”</p><p>Joohyun bit her lower lip. “Can I watch?”</p><p>“Hm?”</p><p>“You’re going to do something with that book, right?” Joohyun pointed to the book on the desk. She observed Sooyoung closely before letting out a harsh chuckle. “I mean, I still can’t believe it when you,” she made a vague motion with her hands, flushing when Sooyoung gave her an apologetic smile. “So… I want to see it again.”</p><p>“There’ll be no stabbing this time,” Sooyoung explained with a shake of her finger. Then, she quietly observed Joohyun as she weighed her option. “Okay. You may watch it. But keep on guard and always focus your mind on something. Empty minds are easier for spirits to possess.”</p><p>Sooyoung told Joohyun to wait near a bookshelf. She watched Sooyoung standing by the desk, both hands pressed together and fingers pointed up, eyes closed, and mouth muttering something that Joohyun didn’t know or understand what it meant. A prayer, maybe? Or a chant?</p><p>Not long after, however, Joohyun sensed loss and pain the same way a knife cut under her skin, painful but not yet bleeding. A cloud of mourning, a dark depth that plunged into the abyss. She could feel death, destruction, loathing, starting at her body and coursing through her blood.</p><p>It was a flicker at first, only a speck of light and a whiff of wind. She watched Sooyoung’s lips move as they kept muttering the prayers. She couldn’t make out the language, but it was flexible and sharp. The accent was heavy, sounding like an iron bell between each word. There was a feeling of isolation and an unending cycle of sorrow.</p><p>The shelves were rattling as a gust of wind suddenly whipped in like a sharp blade that would painlessly cut your skin. Joohyun placed a hand in front of her eyes to shield them from the blinding lights. She took hold of one of the sturdier shelves to prevent the wind from knocking her off balance. Sooyoung’s voice was getting louder, mixing with the rattling and other noises that sounded like wallowing and agonized screams.</p><p>She gritted her teeth, eyes pinched close, and trembling hands were covering her ears. The noises were too much, they made her skin crawl, made her stomach churn, and vomit crawled up her throat, threatening to spill out her mouth. The sensation was best described as thousands of knives cutting her from the inside, and Joohyun wanted it to stop. She tried to scream but what came out was a whimper, a silent plea for everything to just end.</p><p>“Hey.”</p><p>A hand squeezed on her shoulder, warm and comforting. She didn’t dare to open her eyes, afraid of what might greet her if she did that.</p><p>“It’s okay. You can open your eyes now.”</p><p>Her breathing came in short puffs. She saw a mist of reds and blacks; smelled salt and ashes. It took Joohyun a few blinks to get rid of the haze from her vision. It dispersed slowly and once it's over, Joohyun was able to see Sooyoung’s face, staring at her with worry in those dark eyes. She took Sooyoung’s hand and stood up, her knees buckled under her weight.</p><p>“Is…” Joohyun cleared her throat, “is it done?”</p><p>Sooyoung nodded. She reached out to Joohyun and gingerly straightened the unruly bangs on her forehead. “Congratulations, you have survived your second exorcism unharmed.”</p><p>Joohyun scoffed, rolling her eyes. “It’s not funny, you know.”</p><p>“It’s not,” Sooyoung agreed. She let her fingers linger on Joohyun’s rosy cheek, eyes observing Joohyun’s face to make sure that Joohyun didn’t miss anything. “But I have to praise you, somehow. Not everyone can manage to stay sane after experience it once.”</p><p>Joohyun formed a question, molded the words out of curiosity.</p><p>“How- how long have you been doing this?”</p><p>Sooyoung fell deep into reflection. The air had returned to its musky, dusty scent of books and papers. “A while, though I can’t make it a habit because… well, <em>those people</em> are still out there,” she explained, voice dripping with disdain that she didn’t bother to hide. “But I wanted to help people, you know? The dead and the living. The world is rotten, and this is the least I can do to make it a little bearable,” she looked down to her hands, clenching her fingers like she’s trying to grasp onto something. “I couldn’t save Seungwan so…” she coughed a laugh, “this is just my selfish way to make amends.”</p><p>Joohyun pressed hands to Sooyoung’s cheeks, let them linger for a while before pulling the girl to a hug. And Sooyoung did hug her back; her arms were longer as they wrapped around Joohyun’s lithe frame tightly, her face buried on the crook of Joohyun’s neck.</p><p>“I’m sorry,” Sooyoung muttered. She sounded sad when she said it and it made Joohyun’s chest hurt.</p><p>Joohyun hummed, running her fingers along Sooyoung’s hair and backside to soothe her. “Don’t be,” she reassured. “You have a good heart, Sooyoung,” the girl was laughing, but it was more like a beginning of a sob. “And I trust you for doing the right thing.”</p><p>Seulgi was giving both Joohyun and Sooyoung an exasperated look once they’re out of the archive room. “You guys took too long in there, what are you doing?” she questioned and expecting one of them to answer.</p><p>“Just checking on an old book,” Sooyoung said, absentmindedly waving the book in her hand like a toy.</p><p>Joohyun held a grin and she’s grateful that Sooyoung spared the detail about the exorcize, that she had to ‘clean’ the room from any lingering thoughts, and erased the lipstick-drawn pentagram from the desk. <em>It’s a delicate job</em>, Sooyoung explained to her with a proud grin. Sooyoung told her that after the incident, her family decided to move out to Japan. Not exactly the safest place because that country also had its complications, but the cult won’t be too bothered to chase them there.</p><p>It was also in Japan where Sooyoung trained to control her power. She practiced channeling her power to something more meaningful like appeasing spirits, detecting ghosts and anomalies, and sending them to the ‘other side’. The priest gave her that black blade and the strong-scented perfume she often used as protection to keep the more vengeful spirits from attacking her. The information was too much, almost like something out of a comic book, but Joohyun didn’t see a reason why Sooyoung would lie to her.</p><p>Sooyoung was helping people, in her way, even though she might get herself in danger. Sooyoung was selfless like that.</p><p>“<em>Unnie</em>.”</p><p>She heard Sooyoung call, palm facing up for Joohyun to take. Her smile was small but kind; it made Sooyoung look adorably precious and Joohyun had to keep herself from pinching the girl’s cheeks. Instead, she took Sooyoung’s hand and looped an arm on Seulgi’s shoulder. Something was bursting inside her chest, warm and bright like the mid-spring sun, as a delighted squeal tipped off from her mouth.</p><p>“Someone’s happy,” Seulgi commented as she glanced at Joohyun.</p><p>“She deserves to be,” Sooyoung replied. Her smile was affectionate as she held Joohyun’s hand tighter. “You think so too, right?” she asked Seulgi back.</p><p>“Yeah,” Seulgi nodded, agreed with all her heart. “She deserves everything.”</p>
  </div></div>
<a name="section0016"><h2>16. afterglow</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>“It will be fun,” her mother said through the speakerphone. Joohyun had leaned back on the headboard, notes, and papers sprawled around her. Spring break was just starting, but Joohyun was already trying to get a head start before the new semester began.</p><p>“I don’t even know who this cousin you’re talking about,” she replied, feeling a headache coming.</p><p>“Well, she’s your distant cousin. The last time you met her was when you’re seven years old when she came to our house party.”</p><p>“Mom, that’s more than a decade ago! She won’t even remember me.”</p><p>“Don’t be a kid, Hyunnie. Besides, you didn’t come home last holiday. Would it kill you to spare some time to visit your aging parents and sister?” <em>Hey, I’m not that old!</em> her sister complained in the background. A smile crept on her lips. “So, you coming or not?”</p><p>Joohyun sighed, taking off her glasses and nodding her head as if her mother would see her. “And what am I supposed to say to her? Congrats on the wedding and introduce myself?”</p><p>“You're a smart girl. You’ll figure it out,” her mother said with a tease.</p><p>Joohyun sighed and looked out the window of her apartment, at the clouds.</p><p>It’s time to go home.</p><p>**</p><p>The window seat was her favorite. After putting all her luggage in the cabin, Joohyun threw her purse by the window and sighed as she slid into her seat, half-leaning to the window. It would take 2 hours until Daegu. This trip was a last-minute plan and it was sheer luck that she managed to snatch a ticket.  She sent a message to her dad to pick her up at the station. After pressing send, Joohyun shoved her phone into her pocket and prepared to sleep for the rest of the journey.</p><p>“Excuse me.” She opened one eye and found someone standing near her. “Is the seat open?”</p><p>“Yes,” Joohyun replied, nodding.</p><p>The stranger was wearing an oversized hoodie and black baseball cap, ripped skinny jeans, and a pair of biker boots. She shuffled forward and sat on the opposite seat of Joohyun, her backpack sitting next to her. The stranger offered Joohyun a smile of gratitude.</p><p>“Thanks.”</p><p>They took off the cap and Joohyun was able to see the soft feature of their face. A girl, probably younger than her, with fluffy cheeks and pouty lips. Hazel eyes framed with thick lashes, they were big and bright despite the late hour of the night. Joohyun kept observing the girl as she fumbled on taking something from her bag, and how adorable the frown and creases in her forehead as she concentrated on her task.</p><p>“Oh sorry, did I disturb you?” The girl looked up and Joohyun was a second too late to look away.</p><p>“No,” Joohyun deadpanned. She shifted on her seat. It’d be too awkward to go back to sleep now that the girl was staring at her with such curiosity. “First time going to Daegu?”</p><p>“Yes. My friend gonna have a wedding there.” Joohyun’s brain went to the cousin’s wedding and she almost cringed that she hadn’t picked a present for her. “And what about you?”</p><p>“Home,” Joohyun nodded to herself. “Haven’t been home for three years, I guess? My mother’s worried that she’s going to forget my face.”</p><p>The laughter was free and melodic. Joohyun’s heart picked up. A little, but it picked up, for a reason that she couldn’t put her finger on.</p><p>“She must be really missing you,” she said easily and with how her eyes brightened as she stared at Joohyun as if she’s the only one mattered in this place made Joohyun felt something weird crawling inside her belly. “Oh sorry, you were sleeping before I came here. I’m sorry again to bother you.”</p><p>“It’s okay, really. I wasn’t that tired.”</p><p>That was a lie.</p><p>Joohyun was bone-tired but this girl’s presence seemed to whisk the exhaustion away, leaving Joohyun curious about her travel companion.</p><p>“Okay,” the girl said and brushed some strands of that dark brown hair behind her ears. “What are we going to talk about? We still have…” she pulled the sleeve of her hoodie to look at her watch, “a lot of time until we reach Daegu.”</p><p>Joohyun bit her lower lip. “Should we introduce ourselves first?”</p><p>“Nah not now,” she shook her head with a pout. “If you tell me your name now, I’m worried that I’ll forget about it once this journey is over.” The girl clasped her fingers and leaned forward, their knees almost brushing. “Tell me your name once we part. I will keep it forever in my heart.”</p><p>Joohyun couldn’t help to laugh. She didn’t know if this girl meant to speak in rhyme, but whatever she’s doing, it just worked so well and <em>smooth</em>, Joohyun couldn’t even judge how cheesy it was.</p><p>“Why are you laughing?” she asked, curious.</p><p>“You just reminded me of someone,” she explained between the chuckles. “What are you doing? I mean, are you a student or…”</p><p>“Medical school student. Second-year.” </p><p>“Interesting,” and Joohyun meant it. She watched the girl blink slowly, with long lashes and bright brown eyes. This girl was young, probably around Sooyoung’s age. Unlike Sooyoung though, she didn’t bear burdens on her shoulders and the world seemed to spare her from unspeakable horrors that Sooyoung had seen. “I have no idea what to talk to a medical school student though.”</p><p>“Don’t worry about it,” said her as she crossed her legs to get comfortable. “I can make up a backstory for us, or something.”</p><p>“A backstory?” asked Joohyun. “Like what?”</p><p>“Yea,” she said quietly, just enough for Joohyun to hear as she watched the girl lean forward, sharp collarbones visible under the thick fabric of her hoodie. “We can be friends. Childhood friends. We often played together in a park after school.”</p><p>A man was trudging to the toilet, his steps were dragged and he looked like he’s asleep along the way. Joohyun didn’t care about him and neither the girl.</p><p>“But you moved away when you’re eleven. Something about studying overseas,” Joohyun joined in, speaking in a tone that’s comfortable for both of them. “I didn’t want you to go, but you promised me to write letters and send photographs.”</p><p>“Which country should I move in?”</p><p>Joohyun shrugged. “Canada, I suppose?”</p><p>The girl raised a surprised eyebrow. “How can you know that I’ve been in Canada?”</p><p>“Wild guess,” Joohyun said immediately to cover the fact that she’s also surprised by her own assumption.</p><p>“Right. I went to Canada, I wrote you letters and sent you photographs, but life happened and we’re kinda lost contact with each other. I applied to study music while you’re studying business management.”</p><p>Joohyun’s eyes widened. “Now hold on—”</p><p>The girl laughed and patted on the side of her head. “Wild guess.” She put her chin on her hand, blinking slowly at Joohyun. “I wanted to get in touch with you. I missed you, I wanted to call you, but I didn’t know if you’re still the friend I know.”</p><p>“And then, we just met,” Joohyun continued and she slowly found herself drowning inside those pools of brown. “On a train, like this. You greeted me first and I wasn’t sure if I know you, but somehow we just… clicked right away.”</p><p>“The scenario is getting too real huh?” the girl laughed. Her cheeks were red but she didn’t back away.</p><p>“It’s easier to imagine,” Joohyun defended herself quickly, fingers playing with a stray thread on her pants. “What’s your favorite food?”</p><p>“Hamburgers,” said her in accented English, and beamed at the bemused expression Joohyun gave her.</p><p>“Why would you even want to put that in your mouth? The beef doesn’t even taste like beef.”</p><p>“I eat those on cheat days. Outside of that, I always maintain a healthy diet,” she added sweetly, lips pulling in to show a row of even teeth. “How about you?”</p><p>“<em>Tteokbokki</em>.”</p><p>“That doesn’t sound healthy either,” the girl commented. She’s playful with her quip.</p><p>“It’s called comfort food,” Joohyun wanted to hide her blush but she couldn’t tear her gaze from the girl’s sweet, half-laughing mouth. “And so, when we meet again, what should we talk about?”</p><p>The girl touched the corner of her lips with her perfectly manicured nails. The deep blue color was looking dull under the car’s dim lights. “It’ll be awkward,” she paused and sighed. “If we ever saw each other again,” she added. “Maybe I’d ask you first, but I was hesitating. So, we just stole glances at each other and that’s kind of awkward. And stressful.”</p><p>The distress on the girl’s voice was sweet. Joohyun almost said things like <em>we didn’t exactly go through all that</em> but there’s something nostalgic about the way this girl was speaking. Like something foreign that came into her life uninvited but Joohyun would still accept it no matter it. And it was a scary thought, Joohyun admitted. The feeling was impulsive, abrasive, and fast. She didn’t like feeling like this.</p><p>But she continued. Something inside her urged Joohyun to continue.</p><p>“You told me that you’re studying music, and I got curious,” Joohyun managed and smiled faintly. “I asked if you sing. You said yes, and you also write your own music. Then…” her voice trailed, blinking at the sudden warmth that grew on the back of her eyes.</p><p>“Then what?” the girl asked. Those eyes shifted to find Joohyun’s and her breath was stuck in her throat.</p><p>“Then you—uh,” Joohyun was panicking. She didn’t understand why. “You… sing for me.”</p><p>The girl’s nose wrinkled. “You want me to sing for you?”</p><p>“Yes.”</p><p>The girl smiled, “I can do that.”</p><p>She straightened her posture, clearing her throat as she ran fingers up her hair. The first note that rolled off her mouth was smooth and overly familiar, and everything returned to Joohyun in a rush. She didn’t think as she lunged forward and pressed her hand on the girl’s mouth.</p><p>“Not now,” Joohyun cut in. She ignored how grave her voice was or the visible tremble on her fingers as she pulled away from the girl.</p><p>“Right. I’m sorry,” she didn’t miss a beat. Her smirk was teasing a naughty. In a good way. “But, honestly, I will sing for you. I’m good at that too.”</p><p>“Of course, you are.”</p><p>The girl frowned a bit. “You haven’t even listened.”</p><p>“I trust you,” Joohyun blurted, and it’s stupid because she was sure it only made her look weird in front of this stranger. “I mean, just a hunch. And I’d love to hear you sing, but not now,” she ended with an awkward laugh. “Maybe once we get off the train.”</p><p>Joohyun swallowed. That was really close. The feeling was too familiar from what she had with—no. She couldn’t think about <em>that</em> now. But this lovely girl with a charming smile and shining eyes was making Joohyun feeling a lot of different things at once.  </p><p>“What do you do with your time?” the girl asked.</p><p>“I study business, which you correctly guessed. Currently, I’m working on my papers so I can graduate next year. I don’t do much, really. I work part-time in the campus library. I like to read. Hmm… what else is there? Oh, I do needlework. I can also knit too.” Joohyun laughed while the girl gave an impressed look. “I usually make scarves and quilts in my spare time.”</p><p>“That’s really cool. I can’t even sew my shirt’s button even if my life depends on it,” she gushed, and Joohyun felt something hot licking up her neck. “Actually, I was really considering taking the music major.”</p><p>“Why didn’t you?”</p><p>The girl shrugged in a resigned kind of way. “My parents were against it. Well, they told me that I can always do what I set my mind to, but apparently, being a musician doesn’t look very appealing to them. Big risk, you know. Then there was this audition that I almost went to, but I got sick that day so,” she laughed at the story. “Maybe that’s how the universe told me that I wasn’t meant to be a singer.”</p><p>Joohyun raised a brow. “And do you like what you’re doing now?”</p><p>“Surprisingly,” she nodded, actually smiling. “Putting aside the long hours of studying, I enjoy it. I want to be good at it and,” another chuckle, sweet and unperturbed. “I like helping people, you know. Of course, not everyone is kind in this world, but I want to do something. Making a difference, something like that.”</p><p>“That’s impressive,” said Joohyun to keep the conversation going. Her thoughts were spinning like a windmill, turning slowly and steady just like how her heart was beating. “Your optimism,” she trailed off, getting lost further in the girl’s presence. “Very… charming.”</p><p>The girl was smiling at her, it’s all for her, and Joohyun’s chest swelled a little at it. The feeling was too fast, a bit misplaced, but Joohyun was comfortable. The girl’s voice was easy on the ears; she held this conversation well and her humor added more nuance to her already charming personality. There’s a moment between them. A moment of attraction that neither of them spoke out as they let their eyes do the talking, staring at one another in a language no other would understand.</p><p>“Look,” the girl said, holding her grin though there’s a flicker of uncertainty in her eyes. “The cafeteria is two cars away. Can I buy you a cup of coffee?”</p><p>Joohyun blinked, suddenly panicked. “Oh, I… uh, don’t really like coffee.”</p><p>“Then, what do you like?”</p><p>“Tea,” Joohyun almost croaked her answer. Her brain was turning a tad too slow and it’s embarrassing. “I like tea better.”</p><p>Maybe Joohyun was imagining things but she caught the girl was staring at her lips before she focused her attention on Joohyun’s face. “Strange. I prefer tea, too,” said the girl. The words were careless and they probably meant nothing, but they still made Joohyun’s world tumbling upside down.</p><p>The girl stood up first and offered her hand. Joohyun took it, and the electricity zipped up, coursing through her veins. The colors turned up just like how the gravity was slowly shifting.</p><p>“Listen I know I said it first but,” the girl turned to look at her, coughing that awkward yet adorable laugh of hers again. “May I know your name?”</p><p>Joohyun didn’t sure why. She’s feeling so giddy and elated, all because this girl was asking her name. Maybe because it’d been a while since she had a fun conversation with someone, or maybe there’s something about this girl that made Joohyun wanted to open up a little more.</p><p>They said lightning could strike. Joohyun had the first strike with Seungwan, but the fire dimmed too fast and gone before anything could happen. The second one, <em>this second strike</em>, Joohyun wished it’d last for a longer time.</p><p>“Joohyun,” she gave her name.</p><p>“Hello, Joohyun,” the girl beamed at her in a way someone would look at stars. Her name sounded divine as it rolled on the girl’s tongue.</p><p>“And yours?”</p><p>Joohyun caught a flicker of blue in the corner of her eyes, but Joohyun wasn’t distracted because all she could see was this girl and the voice that told Joohyun her name.</p><p>“That’s a beautiful name,” Joohyun whispered.</p><p>“Yours too,” the girl pointed at her own chest, patting the place where her heart was at with a tap of her finger. “And, as promised, I’ll keep your name forever in my heart.”</p><p>Joohyun laughed. Her chest full and something hot was pressing in the back of her eyes. She gripped the girl’s hand tighter as they walked down the narrow walkway for a cup of tea at 12 am.</p><p>Something was changing. Gravity was shifting.</p><p>Her tomorrow started here.</p>
  </div><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_foot_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
          <p>Thank you for reading. I'll see you again in another story. Light's out!</p>
        </blockquote></div></div>
</body>
</html>